Jbiggz and his love affair with coffee...

     Once again, I have dropped the ball when it comes to blogging because life happens. I have had a lot of things I’ve been meaning to put down on words and I haven’t. Some funny, some not so funny, some just really ironic that it would only be funny to me, but as I say every time I write, “I’m making a serious effort at writing more”. With that said, have you tried the coffee?

    That’s right, that lovely hot bean water that we all know and love. It gives us energy, hope, a reason to slow down and try to enjoy the moment? Yeah, all of that is bullshit, it’s the thing that gets us going. More so, I am utilizing this as a means to try and give myself the opportunity to take time to take it all in, and reflect on what is going on. I am trying to keep myself grounded, focused, and more in touch with the earth. However, I am here to announce that I have been having a real shit storm of a time with coffee lately. I don’t want to turn and blame the “Supply Chain”, or covid, or the president.

    And if we could be honest, blaming the president for a broken economy as if he is personally out there slashing truck tires and locking warehouse doors to prevent employees from getting to work or doing their jobs. The Businesses are playing hardball with the employees and using the supply chain as a crutch to stop them from having to pay their employees a separate wage. If you don’t agree you can fight me on it. But ill have you know right now, its not going to be much of a fight, I do not care enough.

(Editors Note: I had to abandon a half cup of coffee to complete a task whilst trying to write this.)

    Back to the coffee… I do not normally believe in new year’s resolutions, because I lack the willpower to complete these things and then just have to face the embarrassment of my coworkers when I do not succeed. However, this year I decided to set a reachable and achievable goal, “to finish my coffee while it is still hot.” At the time of writing this, I am 31 days into the new year, and I have yet to carry out this task. I drink coffee at a minimum twice a day, some days 3 depending on my level of brokenness for the day. I haven even been known to dabble with a latte from time to time if I’m feeling saucy.

But here Is where my issue arises…

(Sips Coffee that is slightly too hot forcing myself to do the “Open Mouth, FAA FAA FAA FAA under my breath” action to cool it as it burns my mouth)

    Finding coffee has become more of a daunting task now than ever before. Living in northern New Jersey, there are more coffee joints than you can shake a stick at, right? Right, there are, there is a Dunkin, or a Starbucks, or even a locally owned coffee shop within eye shot no matter where you are standing. This problem is none of them seem to be open after 3 PM, for what I feel is the most important cup of coffee of the day. Now you may ask what is the 3 O’clock coffee? It is something that I didn’t know existed until I started working for the Paterson Fire Department, in which I was told when I first started, “There better be a fresh pot at 3 O’clock, no questions, no excuses, Fresh Coffee at 3, Plan accordingly”. Being in a new job in a new place where I knew nobody, I obliged, and if there is a fresh pot of coffee, you aren’t going to pass it up. But I realized that there is a definite improvement to quality of life with this simple cup of coffee, you have the energy to drive home, cook dinner, battle road rage, finish out the race until dinner when you can relax.

    Now knowing the importance of the 3pm coffee, you would be in the same boat as me to be livid to find out that most coffee places have been closing at 3pm, or just before. Sometimes 2, sometimes 230, sometimes they just close for the day with no notice. But they are kind enough to not turn off their mobile ordering system, so the order system continues to spit out a chain of receipts that slowly crawls it way out of the printer, draping down and touching the floor of the coffee chain that is the only one on your way to work. Not even a drive through, a gas station. That is where if finally hit my breaking point. I lost it. I had to send an email to corporate that was probably laughed at because it is really none of their concern, they got my coffee money, and left me to drive around looking for another one that may be open in this sea of a tease.

    This has not made my resolution any easier and has created nothing but tension between my love of coffee, convenience, and the desire to finish it while it is still hot. Not a great blog to come out swinging to, but the house projects have slowed down for the winter, covid is a bitch, I’ve lost any hope in humanity being that everything is so cut throat in politics. People you considered great friends for years have suddenly disappeared and moved on, leaving you wondering what happened. Is it me? Is it them? What could I have done? Maybe it was that thing I said that one time when were at that place?

    Either way, I am going to keep doing my thing, keep moving it forward, keep longing to finish that cup of coffee while it is still warm... Fingers crossed.

(The cup of coffee made while trying to write this went cold.)

A promise to Marcus: Swinging the hammer.

     So after recently doing an episode of the Answer up podcast, I gave a commitment to the hosts that I would blog more, so here goes. Over the last several months, life has been turned completely upside down. Through the ups and downs of coved, my wife and I were able to purchase a house. Which is an exciting and scary process within itself. From searching, to finding, to visioning, to questioning, inspecting, doubting, stressing, more stressing, even more stressing, to signing, to moving, to renovating. Being that I don’t identify as a millennial, this saves money in the long run. To be completely honest, I don’t know how anyone that can’t swing a hammer can own a home. I would say all the time after responding to incidents in homes, which these people don’t appreciate or understand what they have, and I still stand by that statement.

    As for my situation, we were lucky enough to stumble upon a home in the area that we wanted, with good bones, and a ton of potential. With my background and passion for working with my hands, I saw this as a new and exciting challenge. I enjoy fixing things, I enjoy seeing a project come to life. It offers a distraction from the unnecessary stress of work and life. It gives you a way to disconnect and focus on nothing but your task. It’s a nice change. One phrase I find myself saying all the time is “Fix it Right”. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate and respect the work of a good contractor, however as I start to tackle projects, there is no shortage of ingenuity in construction. During the process of finding a home, I couldn’t help but see nothing but lipstick on a pig. All too often I see quick flips that throw up cheap drywall and some paint, charge an insane amount to an uneducated consumer, take the money and run. Then as a society we rely on trades, because most don’t know how to execute simple repairs. These are the people who can’t snake a drain, or operate a plunger, shut off a water valve, or reset a breaker. The other side of this coin, my generation has generated a crisis in the trades. Since so few actually know how to do anything aside from live in their own little bubble of life, it has created a cash cow for those who know how to perform these tasks. To them, I say take the money and run, you’ve earned it.

    Now, if you’re still reading this, I congratulate you. My current dose of insomnia has my mind spinning and causing me to rant to an audience of probably nobody. And that’s okay to me. The last month, I have been busting my ass to leave one place that held so many great memories and stories, to create a new place, a better place, a forever place. My joints are aching, my muscles are all sore, my hand are cut up, and I love it. It is such a refreshing change of pace, and everything I do, I know it is making this place just a little bit better than the way that I found it. It’s a good feeling. The downside is that I am starting to leave my comfort zone, and taking on things that I would normally try. I’m buying tools that I have never used, and imp watching YouTube videos for pointers on how to pull it off. Which if I might add, never seems to have the same scenario. For instance, a video on changing 3 way light circuits describe 3 different colored wires, but not what to do when there are only 2 colored wires.

    I will say one of the best parts about all of this is having the opportunity to spend quality time with my father. I am able to have a reliable work partner for this journey. More so, it makes these jobs fun. The constant joking and ball breaking has been quite refreshing. We are making some great memories and some recurring inside jokes that are proving to be timeless. Plus, we both enjoy doing it. If not we would just be bored, and now is not the time to just sit around lollygagging, we got shit to do.

    So to those who made it to the end, I commend you. I also encourage you to not be afraid to start that DIY project you have been thinking about. You can do anything you put your mind to with your determination, a YouTube video, and a few trips to Lowes (all within the same day). Don’t be afraid to make that mistake or give it a stab. If all else fails, rip it out and replace it. Then you get to start new and put your own spin on it. But if nothing else, get your hands dirty. It feels great.

An open letter to my daughter

6/18/2020

Ellie, 

I write this letter in hopes that one day, when you are older, you will come across it. Either on your own or with the help of family. I also write this on the eve of my first Father’s Day. A day that I would not be able to celebrate if not for you. I don’t know what this day will hold, but I want you to know that I don’t want or need anything material. I have it already. 

You have just drifted asleep, and have closed out another day of amazement and wonder. Each day, is a brand new adventure, full of surprise and hope. Every morning we share our laughs and “Good mornings”, as I go from being fun and silly dad to a uniformed shell of myself. You will go on to eat breakfast in anticipation of an experience that is completely brand new. You will meet new people, try new things, and see the world in only a perspective you have. The world is large, vast, and amazing. I will do everything I can to show you that. 

The world right now however, is nothing short of a complete shit show. Humanity is trying to combat an lesser known virus, while society battles in various protest surrounded by politics and institution. I can’t help but appreciate how young you are during this awful time, solely for the fact that you will not remember it happening. I hope that as a society we come out of this in a new way. A world of hope, acceptance, and understanding. And if we don’t, I hope that you do everything in your power to spread hope, acceptance, and understanding. Always always always, stand up for the little guy. Get involved in your community, and defend what is right. Understand early that not everyone will want to be your friend, nor will everyone like you. And that is okay, because you don’t have to like anyone else. That what makes the world great. If I could offer one quote that makes life easier to handle, it would be that “you don’t have to like it, you just have to do it”. The sooner that you accept that you’re not always going to get your way, and you will not always win, the easier it all becomes. Learn this early. 

Don’t take life too seriously, and find the beauty, and more importantly, humor, in all things. There are A LOT of head cases out there. Some will be closer than others to you. Keep them at an arms distance and stay on their good side. There are many who are in positions of authority that shouldn’t be, and that’s not for you to decide. Work hard, be respectful, and everything will shake out in the end. In the event that it doesn’t shake out, it wasn’t meant to be. 

There are many lessons that I will teach you along the way, and each has come from a lesson that I learned. Please make every effort to learn from others, as well as my mistakes, and avoid making them on your own. I know there will come a time where you have it all figured out, and I can tell you that you do not. The same way that I thought I had it all figured out, and I didn’t. This world and life is a constantly evolving situation, and if you can learn to roll with the punches and take a blow, the further you will go. 

I speak from a point of wisdom and hope. I lived a completely different life prior to your arrival. I have seen some of the most horrific and tragic things that humanity has to offer, and as your father, I will do everything in my power to ensure you never have to witness the same. 

Currently, I am going through a personal nightmare, but you are not supposed to know that. Each day, I am pushed emotionally and mentally to levels that I did not think were humanly possible. And each and every single day, I am elated to walk in that door, see that smile and excitement on your face, simply because dad is home. To be completely honest, this is what keeps me going. This is why I get up everyday and power through. This is why I put up with the stress, the drawn out days, the ridicule, and the emotional drain. Because once I get to see you, it all just disappears. With that said, if I bring that home, it’s never intentional and purely accidental. I would never ever intend to hurt you. 

You have given me the ability to see the world through a brand new lens. Everyday is a refreshing start and an opportunity to make a brand new discovery. These are the types of things you normally read on someone’s “desperate for attention” social media posts. An excuse for people to send them meaningless electronic “hopes and prayers”. By the time you read this, I can only imagine what the next media craze will be. Rest assured, I’m sure it will not be something good, and probably further destroy humanity. Do yourself a favor, don’t become that person. 

Don’t ever be afraid to do what makes you happy. If you want to sing, sing loud enough for everyone to hear you. If you want to dance, dance like

Nobody is watching. Don’t be afraid to be yourself, in the grand scheme of it all, your pursuit of happiness only matters to you. Just don’t let your happiness be anything illegal.

Let it be known, it was difficult to write all this. I used to have no issues in writing and it came freely. I would write to convey emotion and relieve stress. In hopes that if someone else in a similar situation felt the same, they would know they aren’t alone. When the time comes, I encourage you to write. You will come upon a time in school where you have to write about what they want you to right about or read what they want you to. That will probably deter you the same way it deterred me. I never enjoyed English and writing at the time, however when I got to college (which I am in no way recommending. Look at your mother’s success compared to mine...) it was able to let my interests and ideas hit the proverbial paper, and it flowed freely. Don’t pigeon hole yourself with other people’s ideas, you’ll have plenty of your own to put out to the world. 

Do great things, make good choices, and at the end of the day, I will always be there for you. 

Thank you for making me a father. I love you,

Dad. 

Confessions of the Fire Inspector...

“So what would you say, you do here?”

“What exactly is it that the fire inspector does? Why are you here? There’s nothing on fire!” some of the common questions you are faced with when greeting a business owner or tenant. “I’m not responsible if anything is wrong.” My personal favorite is, “I didn’t do it! They did it! Arrest them!” as a joke to our uniforms looking similar to law enforcement. This is followed by a chuckle induced on their part, and an awkward explanation that I’m not the police. (Which usually makes me wonder what this person may have done that this is their first reaction.) You explain why you are there to perform your inspection. As a matter of fact, Aside from insurance company, (or OSHA post-accident) we are the only ones that perform an inspection on a routine basis. And why is that? Why is it that the fire service is the only agency out to ensure safety of the public in terms of unsafe structures?

I find that to be a rhetorical question. As with most things in this fire service, we devout ourselves to Life safety. It is our universal creed to “protect life and property”. This is something that is on display when there is a fire. There is smoke, flames, commotion, and action. Water is flowing, lights are flashing, and radios blaring. Jargon is thrown around and understood by all involved, while countless onlookers can’t help but be enamored by the brave and heroic actions performed in front of their eyes. Their motions seem seamless. Ladders being thrown into the sky, humans climbing into a dangerous caves of heat and flames, all while those working stay calm and collected.

Sounds pretty wild and exciting right? But there is another side to the fire service. The other guys. The fire inspectors. They are like the hall monitors of the real world. “Don’t do this, don’t use that. This is against code. This is has to be repaired.” We are the last people a business owner wants to see for fear of two things, Shutting down their business due to safety risk, or assessing penalties and taking from their profits. However, it is the goal to not have to do this at all. The last thing any fire inspector wants to do, is create tension from those we are trying to protect, and themselves. We are in the business of safety, we want everyone to be safe and not have to worry about their own safety when working or visiting in our jurisdiction. In a perfect world, everything would never be a risk, but that’s not why we are here. We take our jobs seriously, some more serious than others, but our goal is to keep not only fires, but disasters from happening.

We do not have legal right to inspect private dwellings, a man’s home is his castle, and we can’t tell them how to live. Statistically, most fires occur within living dwellings, and aside from Community Risk Reduction programs, our hands are tied. Whoa, he just threw out a term, what’s it all mean? Community risk reduction is a fairly new concept to the fire service. Although forms of it have been around for decades, this is the new fancy term. It’s a simple concept, figure out what is causing harm in your community, and fix it. If your community is having an issue with car accident, you launch a campaign to reducing distracted driving. If you identify that senior citizens are unable to maintain their household smoke and carbon monoxide detectors, you implement a program to change their batteries and install detectors. It is not reinventing the wheel, and if you spin it in the right direction you can shed a positive light on what the functions your agencies provide. Sometimes something as simple as changing a battery makes a world of impact to a resident.

Although we cannot tell people how to live, we can educate them on safe practices. The overwhelming majority of adults don’t know how dangerous extension cords are. Many made from cheap materials overseas and often overloaded due to societies dependency on various forms of electronics. Once you hit a certain part of your education, it’s assumed that you understand how to prevent fires from happening. In my experience it is something that needs to constantly be taught. Before media and viral videos were a thing, our delivery method was to educate the children and hoping that the kids will speak to their parents over dinner.

One particular jurisdiction I worked for, utilized a video released by a worldwide recognized association, used a scare tactic of a missing child in a fire. This scared the living hell out of these kids, only to have her happily and cheerfully return at the end of the video because she was “staying at a friend’s house during the night of the fire”. Ha-ha that old gag! Complaints flooded in and the video was never shown again. But it worked. It got the family talking. Although that was not a great tactic, as a profession and with the use of social media, we have been able to make leaps and bounds on being able to spread information to the masses.

Which, Side story: Every year in October, we as a profession designate a week to educate the masses, each year it’s a battle for children’s attention in hopes that they will retain some of the information we present them. However, something refreshing happened yesterday. I delivered a presentation to a group of special needs adults, who were genuinely excited to see us. It wasn’t forced, it wasn’t scripted, and it was fun! (Not that presentations with children are not fun). But they were excited for us, and we were excited to answer their questions. They even taught us a few things.

So aside from us educating the public, we ensure safety in the buildings people use every day. The malls, the supermarket, office buildings, the circus, anywhere the public has access to, we inspect routinely. Why? To ensure the public can safely attend and leave in the event of an emergency. As society has evolved, fires are less and other forms of mass evacuation are more common. Which further emphasizes the job that we do in keeping the public safe. The best part, 99.9% of the population, don’t have any idea that we do this, until something doesn’t go to plan. But that’s why we are here, to make sure that simple things like doors and emergency lighting function when the excrement strikes the oscillator.

In the event something does occur and there is a fire, we take on the responsibility of investigating it. We have an obligation to the public to discover why the fire happened and to prevent it from happening again. This occurs not only on a local level but on a national level. We utilize a national incident reporting system that allows us to enter our findings and compare them across the nation to find trends. These reports and investigation help to identify consumer product defects, thus keeping the public safe.

This line of work is not always exciting. Many times, it is far from it. (Nobody aside from myself and a few select eager beavers have gotten excited about codes) However, when you take a step back and look at what we do on a daily basis, it’s a pretty unknown. But those who know the job, know we keep disasters from happening, all while most don’t know we are doing it.

(All those words to make checking exit signs and fire extinguishers seem exciting. Happy Fire Prevention Month!)

Ignorance Is Bliss...

Although it has been quite a while since writing, (and I’ve been okay with that) I can’t help but find myself more and more profound with the world around me. This past weekend I witnessed many of my peers who live a life in a manner that I can only assume as absentminded. They live with no fear of repercussion, no fear of failure, no desire for success, no anything. It is something that I have profoundly regarding the town I grew up in. They are simply just there. They strive to simply exist. Be a number on a list. No strive for greatness, no right or wrongs, just there. I thought of this on my car ride home and came to the conclusion, why can’t I have this?

I try not to throw a temper tantrum and cry like the millennial I am accused of being by my coworkers. But why not me? Why can’t my wife and I live that careless/carefree lifestyle where nothing that you do or say will come back to haunt you. I’m tired of having those sleepless nights were I’m kept up by reconsidering every decision I’ve ever made in my entire life. Ehhh I’m sick of that. Gimme that other style of life. I just want to live a life with my head in the sand, if I didn’t see it, it can’t be true, and fake news. You know, one of those ignorance is bliss lifestyles. I’m tired of being the one to have any sense of reasoning. I want the other way of thinking. The one where I can make knee jerk reactions and simply just live based off of what I’m told on social media with no attempt on my own to determine if it is truth or not. Just a sheep in the flock. I go where the flock goes, I eat what the flock eats, and I don’t dare stray from the flock.

I strayed from the flock years ago, I got a chance to see the world around me in a different light, and I thought that this was an amazing thing. But the older I get, the more I’m surrounded by those who decide that the world is too unsafe outside of my little town. And anyone that isn’t from here, is wrong. Taking a step back, at 29, I’m learning that the world is full of people that are upset when others try to play in their sandbox. No matter what the age, playground rules apply. It’s simply broken down to “if you’re not from here, I don’t trust you”.

Now as much as I bitch here about this, I couldn’t imagine living such a one sided way of life, I’m not saying you have to go far, I have lived in various parts of the state I am from, I have adopted other people, other cultures, and most importantly other points of view! I see a culture of people who are terrified to ask why, for fear they will be ousted or possibly be viewed as going against the flock. It’s sad, it’s disheartening, and it seems that I’m swimming against the tide with this idea. Again, maybe I have been just chosen not to notice this for fear of breaking what little faith I have in humanity left, but if someone could please stop the earth, I’d like to get off.

Marrying your best friend

(I attempted to upload photos of the day, however the blog software would not permit them to be added. Prolly because they are too beautiful) 

So now that I have had a few days to process and I’m able to talk about the event... the only thing that comes to mind is, “Holy shit!” I never had a doubt in my mind that I was in love with MARE!, we have an incredible relationship and our bond was beyond amazing. Hell, when her and I met, I felt an incredible pit in my stomach, from there we would find that we had wayyyy too much in common. The same sick sense of humor, dislikes the same things, and most importantly our ability to laugh off whatever adversity came our way. I thought that I had my emotions under control. 

I had a feeling that I was going to tear up. Hell I had a feeling I was going to ball, but I had no idea the amount of power one person can have over the other (“the power of love” makes so much more sense now!)

But then as I stood there in that garden with my back to the crowd. I found myself filling with joy and anxiety. I feel a tap on the shoulder and find myself crippled. I can’t move. I breathe heavy and turn to my right side. My dominant side, the side you always turn to. I look and see the most heartwarming smile and beautiful smile. Her face looking as perfect as ever and the way I’ve seen her everyday. In my opinion there is nothing worse than not recognizing your wife on your wedding day, because of the clown makeup that a self proclaimed Instagram makeup artist attempted to display as “art”. No no, she was as perfect as the day I saw her. And the dress. My god did you see that dress? She looked AMAZING! 

I broke. I broke so hard. I flood of emotions hit me so hard. Similar to being hit by a brick. We both wiped one another’s tears as our families and bridal party looked on. Cameramen capturing the entire moment (which will cause another flood of emotion once those get sent to us). 

Allow me to backtrack, this was all after I split my pants while attempted to climb into the rescue truck that was transporting us to the wedding. Huge shout out to the manager Fred, who took care of me. He quickly told me to drop my pants. This provided a bonding moment between my groomsmen, my father, and my father in law as I stood in a small suite, dressed to the nines from the waist up. Once patched up, I stepped outside to the 2nd happiest moment of my life. 

Let us jump back to the events of the day... from that moment we took photos upon photos upon photos. We captured some of the most gorgeous, breathtaking, and beautiful views West Paterson NJ, had to offer. However, none of that matters. I only saw one thing. Her. 

As we prepared to see her walk down the aisle. I once again thought I had it together (Wrong).  The groomsmen took a few swigs from a half drunken bottle of champagne, we cheered to the future, to Health, and happiness. As a nice jab at my job as a fire inspector, we all hit the exit sign above the door. Think similar to the fighting Irish slapping the “play like a champion today” sign on the field approach from the locker room. We smacked that sign for happiness and good luck. We smacked it as a bond of friends. We all went to our respective spots on the dance floor. We all stood in deep anticipation. Which was funny because the entire bridal party had been taking photos for several hours before that. 

I quickly look around the room and I’m immediately overcome with happiness. All of these amazing people that have had such a positive impact on our lives, all in one place, at one time! The thought of this and the fact that It will more than likely never happen again was a tough feeling to swallow over the last few days. I have been having quick little episodes of feeling that have been reducing me to tears. I snap back to reality as I hear the opening to the bridesmaids entrance song. (If you’d like to relive the moment, the song was ‘Falling slowly’ covered by the vitamin string quartet. The song has been covered many times but it is from the motion picture and musical “Once”. I was a fan of the movie and MARE! Surprised me with tickets to see it on broadway before they ended their run.) 

The first few notes of the song mixed with the beauty of the bridesmaids walking through the door was too much. I was doing okay, until my sister and Ashley both told me not to cry as they walked down the aisle. At that point, I lost it in anticipation of knowing what was about to come. As the song changed to the bridal entrance, I broke again. My best man behind me hand on my back. It was an amazing moment of friendship between him and I. The picture still humbled me out and is a moment I will cherish forever. From there I hear other groomsman getting choked up. The room getting choked up. Everyone was choked up. As her father handed of his daughter. The flood came back again. 

As I helped her step onto the altar, my brain realized there was nobody else in that room but her. Hell for the rest of the night there was nobody in that room. The ceremony was absolutely perfect. 

Once it was able to start because I couldn’t control myself. Damn leaky eyes. Our vows were exchanged in a sentimental yet comical way as I flipped through my notebook to find my vows. The rings were exchanged. As the reverend started to announce, “Now by the power vested in me...”, I couldn’t help but let out a huge ear to ear smile with a firm grip on my now wife’s hands. I didn’t hear anything else but, “you may now kiss the bride”. At that time we shared the most passionate kiss in the history of our time together. Again, I was overcome. The amount of love and happiness in that room is something I can’t put into words. Euphoric? Magical? Wonderful? I’m yet to find a way to pin point it. 

The cocktail hour was filled with happy people sharing drinks and food. As they all came and congratulated us. I felt terrible I was able to speak to everyone there. Time was moving very very fast. Before we knew it, the cocktail hour was over, and the part was on. 

Our DJ, Dave Mondo, absolutely killed it. I can’t say enough about his craft. I threw out some ideas and let the artist do his work. The dance floor was packed for the entire night. Hell the guy packed the floor just by playing “this is how we do it”. It was game on from there. The rest of the night flew by at light speed. The alcohol helped by greasing the rails for that to happen. The next morning I woke up piecing back together the events as if it was a scene from ‘Weekend at Bernie’s.’ 

The following days I found myself in a state of disbelief. Not to be cliche, but it felt like “It was all a Dream”. The following two days I just continued to cry every time I realized that there were so many people who loved and support us with us that night. I also tear up knowing that I am the most lucky man in the world. I imagine that this is kind of like winning the lottery, but better. It was that night that I realized that there are a lot more people who have my back than I had imagined. It’s an amazing sensation that has had a tremendous impact on me. At that time it made me want to be an even better man. 

As I write this, I am sitting on the plane en route to my honeymoon destination in Aruba. As we speak, every time I glance at my wife, a tear comes to my eye. I assume that one day, it will stop. But at the same time, I don’t want to. I don’t ever want to lose that sensation about someone. I never want to lose that love, and I never want to leave her side. 

Sorry, I'm just the bar back.

So recently, I have decided to take on a side gig out of my wheelhouse to earn some extra cash. Why you may ask? Because who doesn't need a lil walking around money? A dear friend of mine needed someone to fill in a bar back position. I have not worked in the commercial food industry since my brief high school stint at the Outback Steakhouse, but I was willing to give it a try.

I had been looking for a mindless job for a while now. Something completely separate from work that I can just go in, work, and leave with my money. Something simple and simple it is. I could not bear to bring myself to get back on the ambulance and force myself back into a life of sleeplessness, lizard slinging, and drama(not that the restaurants don't have their drama, but it ain't like ems).

The work is back breaking. But quite humbling. Lifting kegs onto shelves, cleaning the bar, bussing, restocking, and more cleaning keep you busy. The breaks come when you take the trash out to the to the dumpsters and briefly converse with those also seeking a quick break of fresh air and temporary salvation from the depths of the customer service wormhole. But at the same time it's exciting. It's not dealing with life and death. I don't have to worry about peril at every turn. People all have their reason to be at the bar. And I personally love being able to witness the events that bring them there. It's a honor to have a front row seat to this side of human behavior.

The effect of this work behind the bar has drastically cut down on my drinking, in that I haven't had the energy or motivation to have a drink. Not that it was a problem or that you can say it wasn't a problem. (You can't physically say that you "don't have a drinking problem", without giving the appearance you have a drinking problem. Go ahead. Try saying it out loud, it can't be done).

One thing that is the most eye opening is seeing perspective of the world from the other side of the bar. You never really see how sloppy people get until you're the sober person watching them. The most comical are those trying to score at the bar. These strangers are not into you, but I admire your admiration and courage to try anyway. Cheers to you mate.

The upsetting part is that sometimes I cannot do more because I am simply just a bar-back. The lowly laborer of the nightlife industry. I'm sorry you have to wait a few extra minutes for that drink. But someone is on the way. Fear not. Your continued consumption is only a few minutes away.

The nights are long and they leave me tired and sore. But I leave with a shit ton of singles in my pocket and having cash that your able to stash away is a nice feeling. Granted I'm not around as much as I'd like, but it's allowing me to take on something to distract me from the daily life, make some extra cash, and work with a bunch of what seems to be really good people.

However I am highly suspect of a few... that or they are suspect of me... it's going to turn into a Mexican stand off. I can feel it. Either way, I'll see you at the bar, I'll clean your glass and remove the trash.