PMA

As I write this, I sit in a volunteer ems meeting: 

What a crazy time it has been. I have recently been faced with a catalyst in my life and it feels great. It was the sudden change up that I needed. I was going through a very rough patch of my life and things were all dark. I was dealt another set of blows that I just couldn't see myself the silver lining in the situation. I didn't care about my health, my appearance, I barely found the motivation to take on the day. I was a mess, a bigger train wreck than normal. 

Work was dealing even more blows with an increasing call volume. We were still hanging on and waiting for a contract agreement to know if we were still going to have jobs or not. Things weren't pretty. 

And then an amazing thing happened. In the most unlikely places and a drunk conversation completely turned things around. I was given a shake up. Someone essentially sat me down and said, "things are going to get better. Rough patches don't last forever. You're gonna get through this."

Now this was something that I have heard hundreds of times from loved ones and friends. But it doesn't mean that same. Coming from them, it sounds like the obligatory pep talk that they have to give you, because they are your family. But this was different. This was was raw emotion from someone that barely knew me and it was a short conversation (from what I remember). This was a slap in the face, a wake up call. 

Things began to snowball from there. I began to start living my life in a new and honest way. I started accepting myself for who I was and not how much I was making. I stopped stressing about things that normally stressed me out beyond belief. 

It was the introduction of PMA (positive mental attitude). I was finally able to let go of all my stress and fears. I was about to start being truthful and realize that it wasn't all as bad as I made it seem. And with the right person things all become much easier. 

We all know that I don't hold back. But after this change and breath of fresh air, I hold back even less than before. I don't sugar coat things and I call people out on who they really are.  Did I burn bridges is all of this? You bet your sweet ass I did. Did I lose friends along the way? You know it. 

I lost many friends along the way. Some that I have held very near and dear to my heart. I've found myself to have found something that has no price tag, and a some thing that can't be put into words. I am able to be myself for once, and not some actor because there was a worry about what others may think.  I am no longer having to hold my tongue or worry about what someone else was saying about me in a language that I didn't not understand. 

No more worrying if I am good enough. I've found someone that takes me for who I am. Flaws and all. Something with someone that allows me to be me. Someone who not only understands my fucked up sense of humor but enhances it into something better. 

The real kick in the dick, I found out of all this, is how those around me compliment me on how much of a difference they see in me. Which is kind of a one-two jab in the face. In one way, I'm glad they are happy for me. Or they are lying through their teeth. I may never know. The other card is a me thinking, "wtf? Why didn't you tell me that I have turned into such a shit head?" 

Either way, I turn around and reflect on PMA. Things can't stay bad forever. As long as I keep my head above the water, everything will work itself out. In fact things right now are pretty damn good. And it's about time... 

J biggz and the swagmanian Devils

So recently I have embarked on an effort to expel some type of athletic activity. What this means is that my fat ass started playing flag football with a group of his drinking buddies and much more serious athletes. 

I am number 69 for obvious reasons

CMON out they said. It will be fun they said. At first it was, I had no clue what my out of shape ass was getting into. I'm thinking that these are gonna be games of "hee-haw" with the fuck around gang. Boy was I in over my head. The games are beyond fast paced and loaded with real athletes. Now I don't mean like guys that played on high school. I'm talking guys that excelled in the ncaa. 

The first week felt great but it took me almost a week to recover from me getting my ass beat. I even suffered a nice shin to shin contact that left my leg deformed in such a way that the ER docs didn't know what to make of it. Impressive right? 

One thing that this league has given me is the ability to see how long it takes me to bounce back from

Injury and games. A feeling I haven't felt in close to 9 years. 

There was a certain thrill that came along with playing on the offensive line. A place that I felt very comfortable and was good at until I became plagued with injuries. I really did miss the excitement and fun I had playing in the cold weather and just having fun on the team. 

The lessons I learned back then were something that I have taken with me and that I use everyday. Everyone has a job to do and we only reach success when everyone works together. The line, the quarterback, the backs, and receivers all need to keep each other in check or nothing is achieved. The same way the BLS, ALS, Chiefs, staff, engines, trucks, squads, and most importantly dispatch all need to be working on the same page in order to accomplish anything. 

I really do need to thank my parents for having me participate in team sports. They teach a valuable lesson that I think has faded Away over the course of generations. Growing up there was no participation trophy for losing. If you lost, you were the losers. It was simple. There was no pats on the back. You took what happened and you learned from it. Coach didn't say do better next time, you took initiative to watch the film and see what YOU did wrong and how YOU could learn from it. These people are usually identifies as those who will own up to their mistakes and learn from them. Something that many people cannot do, they simply look to point fingers elsewhere. 

I guess what I am saying is that im glad to be back on the field. No matter how much it hurts in the end. 

Why do you work so much?

As I sit in the truck during my 6th of 14 days in a row of working, It dawns on me. The ever popular question that I am asked so often. Why do you have so many jobs? When do you have time for fun? It's a conversation that my partner and I shared several weeks ago when he was having relationship problems. I have finally taken a step back and asked myself the question.

The answer to this is that work gives you a place of refuge. Similar to fishing or sailing for other people, where one can focus all of their attention on what they are doing. It gives them thing that requires so much effort, they don't have any time to think about anything else. This is the same phenomenon. 

Over the last few years I have noticed that my relationships with family and girlfriends have all taken severe nosedives. In an effort to avoid any hostility or confrontation, I would simply pick up an open shift at work. Why? Because it gives me the ability to get my mind off of things and it gives the other party time away from me. A fair balance right? I thought so. The less you'd have to deal with me the better.

The only issue with this mindset is that It doesn't make anything better. It's a temporary fix. This is a band aid, a patch kit, a cover up. Once work is over, you know the argument is waiting for you. So what can you do now. You thought you had it all figured out... Why didn't it work? 

Because although it may get you out of the problem temporarily, more often than not, it's still going to be there when you get out. At the same time where you feel that you may be escaping the issue, you may be just making things worse for yourself at the same time. You may be tied up on that call and you're unable to say that thing you had to get off your chest. Not to say that you wouldn't necessarily have missed out on the opportunity otherwise, but it is a factor. 

I myself have 4-5 jobs at any given moment. I have one full time and 3-4 per diem jobs. Why is this? My answer is simple. I cannot sit idle. I have to be doing something. I need to keep moving. I would rather work around the clock than sit around and wonder "what if?" Don't get me wrong. I enjoy my time off, especially when I have plans made. We all do.  It's when plans fall through or I have no plans at all where I feel like I am just wasting time. It's the fear of the unknown and not being able to adapt to change. Instead of sitting on the couch I could be making money. 

As for having time for fun? Ha! There is no fun for those that don't earn it. There is nothing that irks me greater than seeing people that barely work, and then bitch and moan about how they NEED a vacation. How they can barely survive their 18 hour a week job without needing a get away. The sad reality is that these people aren't escaping their stress. They are trying to escape the sad reality that their life has become. In my opinion(and that's why I started a blog), vacations should be earned. Those who break their asses deserve vacations or rewards. Those who sit and bitch about how it's hard to hold down a job for more than a month have absolutely no business near an airport of cruise ship. 

Granted I have my own reasons that have sculpted me into the work-a-holic that I am today. I refused to be backed into a corner and not have a way out. I can successfully, and can proudly admit, I have been able to keep my head above the water thus far. Although it is not easy in any way at all, I am doing. I often joke about the how I have to pay for the mistake I made called college. Student loans are a crippling but sad reality. It all comes full circle when you realize you pay more a month in student loans a month than you do for your rent or car payment. But I'm here and I'm alive. I am tired, beaten, broken down, and defeated...but I'm alive. 

But this is not a forever thing. This is temporary or so they say it is. In the meantime I will continue to work all of my jobs and make ends meet. Until the phone rings with that new job where I won't have to work so much. 

I wish my mind could forget what my eyes have seen...

It has been an emotional roller coaster since the last time I have written. For some fuck known reason, I chose to make excuses about everything that had happened. There were many ups and downs at work, and it knocked me on my ass. In national news, a police officer was shot and killed. This resulted in a threat towards us EMTs. These actions caught us all off guard and we suddenly went from being the heroes, to the targets. For the first time in my ems career and working in jersey city, I felt a fear for my life.

The subsequent days became longer. It was a mad scramble by all of our team to try and secure yourself a bullet proof vest. Your news feed and phone are flooded with messages of rumors and potential threats against you. What is real? What is a hoax? What is someone just looking to get you excited? Deep down you know it's just everyone looking out for your best interest. But it gets to a point where you really don't want to hear it anymore. You become tired of seeing the warnings, yet you never let that constant worry out of the back of your mind. You keep your head on a constant swivel, and you realize one thing... That the town you loved so well, has all changed in the blink of an eye.

Your normal bullshitting around with your partner before the shift, turns into a discussion of what you heard may be going down and making sure that each other's vests are fitting correctly. Now as you get into the truck, you realize more than ever, that it's real now, and you may not come home. 

You become vigilant, almost to the point of paranoia. People who you would walk by on the street, are suddenly a possible threats. You can no longer go grab the casual cup of coffee at 7-11, without having to keep your back against the wall. You no longer park your vehicle in an area where someone may approach it from an unknown area. Your fatigue level goes into overdrive. You're fighting to keep your eyes open and the act of remaining vigilant wears you out. You think it's all over with, and you realize that you are only 2 hours in. There is still 10 to go. 

You struggle to sit comfortable in your truck. And you begin to realize the things that are more difficult do. For example, it is really difficult to take a shit with a vest on. It's also a real pain in the ass to bend over to pick up small objects. But this is your life now. Some people have chose to stop wearing them, and that's their right to do so. I know the partnership that I have, we both wear ours, despite them being very hot and uncomfortable. 

But again, this has become the normal around town. You are faced with the moral difficulty of wearing Kevlar to work, not because you want to. It helps those who don't know what you see. The family and friends who care about you, that you know you couldn't ever tell what you have seen. And that if you ever did, it would give them nightmares. They would never be able to shake. 

All night, you ponder: Why should we do this? We are the good guys! We are the ones who help people! Why are we suddenly targets? It's not supposed to work this way!

Unfortunately, there is no time to stop and think about these kinda of things. You just have to strap on your boots and go to work. There's no time to be scared, there is a job to be done. In reality, Most of us have all accepted our fate in that if we get taken out on the job, it was just in the cards that way. However, you put it on everyday for your loved ones in hopes that they will be able to sleep a little easier until you walk back in that door. 

god damn dispatchers.

It is a very warm summer night, a night that is strange for this time of year. Normally this time of year, there is an increase in shootings and stabbings. One thing that I have learned in this profession is that nobody can ever seem to just “get along” with one another. If the weather is nice then people feel the need to go outside. When people go outside they have a few cocktails. When they have a few cocktails they go one of two ways. The first way, is that they consume booze to the point they fall down and someone calls acting as the Good Samaritan. The other way is that they continue to drink, run their mouth, and eventually get assaulted for offending someone. Moral of the story, don’t attend your funeral as a man named Phil Shiffley.

Also as I continue to sit here, I noticed that I have never really spoke about the unsung heroes and the worst and most hated people in any service based industry. We call these terrible individuals the dispatchers. No don’t get me wrong, there are some very very phenomenal telecommunicators here. There are also some not so good dispatchers here. What is the difference you might ask? Great question!

First off the dispatcher is the most despised person for a simple reason. They are the person who tells you were to go and what to do. When you are tired and you want a break, it is the dispatchers fault as to why a call came in. When you want to dodge jobs, and hide, it’s the dispatcher’s fault for seeing what you are doing on their maps and stop you. When you don’t want to pick up a certain regular that you have taken every day for the last 3 weeks, it will be the dispatcher’s fault that you happened to be a block away when the call comes in. No matter what the dispatcher does or says, unless they are cancelling a unit off of an assignment or telling the unit they are clear to return for shift change, you are the bad guy.

Now luckily for me, I am one of the few people here that are cross trained, meaning that I work the street normally, but will be occasionally pull up to dispatched when short staffed, or whenever a crafty plan is devised by supervisors to benefit themselves. (we do what makes them happy). The one thing that I see being a cross trained dispatcher is seeing all of my co-workers react to what the dispatchers say, forgetting that I myself am a dispatcher. Now I know that there is more than a fair share of shit talking about me when I am on the mic. Nobody wants to be working their ass off, nor do we want to make anyone have to break their ass. Sadly, there is still a job to be done.

In my few years of being up here, I can easily say that I am left more drained after a 12 hour dispatcher shift, than I am after working a busy night on the streets. Why? The type of work is completely different. On any given night the dispatcher is responsible for not only screening 911 calls, gathering vitals information, keeping in contact with all the units on the street, dispatching the units, and making sure everyone is safe. All of these things are occurring simultaneously, your eyes are jumping between 5 screens. Your ears are listening to units step on one another while they all attempt to broadcast their message. You are trying to send the closest available unit to an assignment based on what a computer tells you is the closest, yet your street smarts kick in, knowing that there are other units are closer. The phone rings constantly to the point you feel like you are in the movie Casino and your head is being beat in by Billy Sherbert.

After 12 hours of this, you feel like death. You feel like you won’t make it home to your bed. Youre day is shot and you are left with nothing. Now how does all of this tie in together? The difference between a good dispatcher and someone who sits behind a console? The good dispatcher is always a step ahead of the units on the street. They understand the units, they understand the tendencies and they understand how people operate. They know how people are going to sit on scene for 25 minutes after they left the patient. They know who their go to units are, and who they can send on special assignments and things will be handled the proper way. Now as you read this, you may or may not understand of what I speak. And that’s fine. Anyone who has worked a busy system knows exactly what I am saying.

On the other side of the card, there are people who simply read what is on their screen. These are the people that will dispatch the “train accident” in the 3^rd floor apartment. It takes a certain amount of thinking. It is also why it is important that the dispatcher knows the area of which they dispatch. Again, this results in sending a unit to the 30^th floor in an area of 2 story houses. No in some cases the dispatchers catch on to what is happening and they are able to grow and develop. Other dispatchers are similar to stapling jello to the wall, it’s never going to stick.

One thing that is upsetting is the abuse that the dispatchers take for doing their job. They occasionally receive a pat on the back. More often than not, they are being reprimanded for not getting a unit to the scene fast enough, or they are having their heads chewed off by a caller who feels that her toe pain warrants a life threatening response from our units. But night after night the battle wages on. Dispatch does their job the way they are trained and the street units yell and take every assignment personally. It’s the ying and the yang of EMS. If we didn’t have this, the world may implode.

Support.

It has been a very few hectic weeks that have taken quite a toll on my blogging and life in general. I've been finding it's harder than normal to get out of bed and actually accomplish anything. It's been an uphill battle of sleepless nights, insanely long shifts, and an emotional roller coaster not even the best could stick the ride out on. 

This feeling of shortcoming (and dare I say failure) really leaves you with a sense of doubt and wonder why you even carry on. Why not pack it in? Why not just give up and settle for something else? This got me thinking about something, and that thing is support. More often than not you see people get their big break and they disappear. They are gone,and never look back. These people become characters of your war stories, since you never see them. You can't fault these people either. Maybe they are in a relationship that they are very committed to. Or perhaps they are starting a career and have their hands full. This is one of the sad realities of life. It feels as if they leave all those who were close to them behind. And I said to myself, that's not who I want to be. And that's certainly not who I was raised to be. 

With my head going into overdrive. I began thinking about all those who support me, those who look up to me, those who ride my coat-tails, and those who pride themselves on hating my game. Which by the way they people who hate on you are your biggest fans. They are angry and have a jealousy that they aren't you. 

But then there are those people that keep coming back. The people who will leave your life, and that you think are gone forever. And then they waltz back in. It has always made me wonder why? And then it dawned on me that everyone has a phenomenal support system and you never realize. No matter how bad you may fuck everything up, there will always be those few people that will have your back when all else fails. You may not speak to these people everyday but they are out there and have your back. 

For example, I have my family and that's a whole different kind of support. Your family knows you and they want to see you do well. However what makes a great family is one that will tell you when you are screwing up or about to make a huge mistake. "No really mom, you don't understand, Mexico is a totally safe place for tattoos!" Right. Sometimes you need to shut your mouth and listen to what your family has to say. The most important people in my opinion are the people that aren't family, yet you hold them closer than any family member. 

One example is a friend that I have that links my past back to me and brings everything full circle. I can go to this person with any crazy misadventure I have and it will bring us back to our times shared in high school. Good and bad times, happy and not so happy events. This is the same person that I can recommend a song to in as simple as a few words in a text message and they will return with something just as good if not better. 

I have my friend who took me under his wing years ago and assumed the role as a mentor of mine. Over the last several years has grown an awesome friendship and some really great times shared. Working on all types of projects. All types of road trips and tons of misadventures have been a blast and certainly a learning experience. 

These are the types of things that as society we need to sit back and appreciate. Too many of us are caught up in the things we have or the place we may be in our lives and we forget to stop and appreciate what we do have and the people that support us through the rough times. 

A plumber, a landscaper, and an EMT walk into a bar...

Those who know me, know that I I take my jobs very seriously. I know the difference when it is time to play and time to be serious. I know when to crack a joke to cut the tension and when to stand my ground. This is something that many people don't know. I get upset when I am viewed poorly in the eyes of my managers because I understand that it is my reputation in the line. 

Lately I seem to be I the wrong place at the wrong time. I have become the patron EMT of unruly patients. Not to that this isn't happening to my colleagues as well but I have been a total shit magnet lately. I haven't been going out of my way to start issues with people or patients. I've been courteous and empathetic. Everyone has those patients that are uncooperative or the ones that have crazy requests. Lately I have been getting the young adult on then 4th floor who needs to be carried out of the house because their shoulder hurts. Then they don't want to sit still while being carried, causing my partner and I to get hurt in the process of trying to satisfy the patient or as I refer to them customers. 

The reason I refer to them as customers is because they are people calling for a service. The same way that  one would call roto-rooter or a landscaper. That's right, I believe that my job is no more important than a plumber or a landscaper. In the grand scheme of it, I think that they may have it better. 

Take the plumber for instance. A plumber wakes up every morning and realizes that he is probably going to have to deal with shit. Everyday he will more than likely deal with shit. But the plumber makes a great deal of money for his skill as a plumber. And that plumber knows that when he lays his head down at night, and when he wakes up, he will deal with shit. Maybe more than today, maybe less, but he cannot escape the shit. 

In the case of the landscaper, they are artists of nature. They have the ability to take a jungle of a yard and turn it into a beautiful land. However, the landscaper is going to have to spread a great deal of bull shit in order to make that yard grow. 

Now in the case of ems, we get to be treated like shit. Spit on, kicked, punched, and assaulted. Police and fire are protected by laws where this is assumed to be a hazard of a healthcare workers job. Pretty fucked up right? Makes cleaning shitty pipes look like a vacation. 

We get patients who call and feel that you are their personal servants, and will actually file complaints about you when you don't spend your time feeding their cat. They will then yell at you for doing it wrong. It's the parts of public service where people feel that you are there to wait on their every need that just makes me want to sand boats for a living. Then if you don't fulfill their wildest requests, they make complaints. Then you as the employee get reprimanded for not doing your job when It was something that your not required to do. 

It's a sad reality that was brought up best in "office space". Now granted the movie was about working in an office, but it relates to almost every job out there. For example, similar to office space, I have 9 bosses. That means when I screw up, I have to hear about it 9 times. 

After a while of getting beaten down you eventually hit your limit and stop trying to work hard or go the extra mile. You just do the minimal amount of work to keep you from getting reprimanded. As an employee I have always felt that you should make yourself valuable so that you will be an asset to your company. Where now It's become obvious that you are easily replaceable and that they can hire any shlub to do your job. That's a sad reality but a reality non the less. 

This does nothing but breed a force of people only willing to do the bare minimum. Why should work hard, when you're just going to be beaten down? This is a sad reality because I know so many brilliant minds that can offer so many great things to the world, and they have been discouraged to the point that they couldn't care less. 

It suddenly turns us all into Dante and Randall's. People who go through the motions, work at their respective counters, and go home. No passion, no caring, because it's only going to bite you in the ass. Why should I offer up my good ideas so my boss can take the credit, and I'll get burned? 

Back in 2007, while attending fire school I was given a bit of advice that sticks with me everyday. This line of work is filled with two types of people. Heroes and assholes. 

Now when the instructor told us this the class laughed thinking that there's no way that's how it works. Here we are thinking that we have it all figured out. But he was absolutely right in what he said. He said the people that are covered in citation bars are the the dumb ones. These are the people who disregarded their own safety for the sake of someone else. That's all well and good and you dodged a bullet on that one. 

But the heroes that we are talking about are not necessarily those that save the bus of orphans but the people that happen to be in the right place at the righty time. They get their quick fame and they feel good. People congratulate them and they feel good. They get a high, they get their name or maybe their picture in the paper. And that's your 15 minutes of fame. They are the ones who went out of their way and received their special award or they happened to be at the right time. 

On the other side of the coin is the asshole. The person who fucks up or ruins it for everyone else. The guy who accidentally runs over a stairchair the same night he has his hero moment of delivering a baby. 

The world is full of heroes and assholes. Sadly you have have 100 heroic moments, but that one asshole moment, is the one you will always be remembered by. 

The bribe....

As I write this I am crammed in the backseat of a Honda accord coupe. I have learned one fact. There is nobody that can comfortably fit in the backseat of a honda accord coupe. Every attempt I have had thus far of exiting this vehicle looks similar to that of a play-doh fun factory. 

It was quite a weekend. I chose to embark on a trip to Washington, D.C. In an effort to escape the everyday stress. Boy was that a trip. Ended up playing the odd man out being that I was mixed with a group of close friends and I was extra wheel. Not to be out down. I was able to tie one on and make a trip for myself. 

As much as I hate giving other people credit, and the last person I hate giving credit to is my partner Greg Gill, I'm afraid I must. The other evening, a rather intellectual conversation transporting in the cab of our bus. 

Society as a whole is doomed and it's sad. People are afraid to make relationships, and parents are afraid to let kids outside. As I was walking through Alexandria earlier today, I witnessed a woman attempting to coerce her son to get in his strolled with the promise of getting to play with the iphone. If your kid is isn't out if a stroller they should have no knowledge of what an iphone is. None the less what it is capable of doing. For some reason I found this very disgusting. 

I know that it's not okay to hit your kids and that's all well and good. That's part of why kids are such little assholes.  I can proudly say that my dad used to beat the living piss out of me if i fucked up. And they hurt. They were meant to. And his dad would crack him one upside the head if he fucked up too. Now I'm sure some hippy liberal parents who let their kids call the shots are saying that this was really wrong of my dad. Fear not, my mother was normally waiting by the ropes for her turn to be tagged in. 

The point of this is that it made me a disciplined person. If I mouthed off I wasn't sent to "think" about what I did. I was raised to say please and thank you. I was raised to get in the car, put your seatbelt on and shut the fuck up. I was raised to speak when spoken to, and to appreciate what you have. Or else! 

As a matter of fact I learned at a very young age to appreciate everything I was given as a young lad who decided that he no longer needed his dad anymore. I couldn't be any older then 5ish. My father called my bluff and said that's fine, you can leave my house now. As I was leaving he told me that the clothes on my back were his, not mine, I Didn't pay for those. He did. So my stubborn ass stripped down to my underwear and hit the road. And I stood on that porch on Hoboken road, during a cold winter day. It wasn't until my mom yelled for fear of being reported to the police I was let back in the house. From that point on I never saw a reason to bitch and moan about the things that I have. 

Now I know that parenting is a give and take thing. I'm aware that parents need to choose there battles and almost all kids are small germ factories/ terrors. Their hands are always sticky with something and they love to share. But I don't think that it's that hard difficult to use a phone as a means of bribing a kid. What happened to the days of a handful of Cheerios being a good enough incentive to behave? 

To those parents who raise their parents the old fashioned way I salute you. You let your kids cry it out, and you tell them no. You realize that parenting is a dictatorship and not a democracy. You are a dying breed but keep up the good work. The future depends on it. 

A touch of klass.

One pastime that I have been finding comical is watching people desperately attempt to hold onto their youth. Growing up is a part of life and watching people attempt to fight this is absolutely great!

Recently a friend of mine and myself attended a stunning spectacle that I had never known about. A thing called a "day club". Now there is nothing I love more than people watching. It is seriously one of my favorite hobbies next to glue sniffing and drinking chemicals from under the sink. I love watching the awkwardness of humans as they attempt to interact with others. It's all the fun and excitement of a night club except after getting tuned up all day, you have to stagger in the daylight where people see how ugly you really are. 

Back to the day club. So my friend and I arrive and are immediately faced with a fire inspectors wet dream. A small venue that is completely over crowded. The station night club fire races through my head. I start planning my escape, specifically how I will defy physics and narrowly escape death. 

Once inside, the attendees appear to be all people (although some were as intelegent as animals) in their mid to late 20's up to their 80's. Which I have to give it up to the 70 year old man walking around with not one, but two women on his arm. Both in their 20's I might add. 

In an attempt to battle the sea of people who are all still wearing their dresses and ties from the night prior, I am approached by an inconsiderate schmuck who just assumed that I worked there. I immediately took his order and promised a round of drinks on the house as a result. (It's all about heads up ball playing kids). 

As the brief afternoon went on, my friend and realized that although it may be cool at the time. The night at the Roxbury lifestyle was not for us. 

We immediately retreated to the local

Buffalo Wild Wings for a debriefing. This lifestyle may work out for some people, however it's nothing that myself, and thankfully my friends are interested in. But I do find it great that as the young grow older so does the bullshit. Then again it is quite humerous listening to these people bitch and moan when daddy cuts them off. That quick reality and the fact that it's a cruel world really makes me smile. 

Now this makes me sound like a jaded old man, and I assure you that I am not. I can completely understand the party phase of life. From 21-23 live it up and have a great time. Just a few tips to help with this phase of life. 

1. Change up the places that you go to. The reason you don't get carded and the bouncer knows your name isn't because your cute or cool. He sees you atleast once a weekend. Being the person that everyone knows will always be there is nothing anyone wants to take on. You will remain alone and with your bar. 

2. Don't be that guy/girl. Everyone knows that person who constantly posts photos of them in the club and bar. First reason is that there's nothing cute about alcoholism. The second reason is that it makes you look like a person incapable of having a social life. Anyone can go to a bar and take selfies. If you like the place so much, apply for a job there. 

3. Don't go out with your hopes up. One thing that I learned at a very young age was of you don't go in with high hopes then you are less upset when things don't work out. So when you post that it's going to be such an epic night and you and your buddies are going to have a blast, I assure you into will end in missed opportunities and made up stories of a make believe good time. The sad reality will be that you and your friends went out, Bought all of your own drinks, and didn't meet anyone new. You then went home by yourself to your single bed and alone once again. Epic night. 

4. Police your own. Everyone has the person who always goes over the top. In my group of friends we have a character that we will refer to as "JCR3". When we go out with our friend he transforms into JCR3, however we have become well versed in how to deal with him and how to diffuse situations that may arise. Web you can't control yourself that's when the authorities step in, and then I am called to scrape your friend up off the street or even better the bathroom floor of the bar. 

5. Dress to impress but don't be stupid about it. I am all about suiting up and I can appreciate someone with a sense of style. However if you are going to dress to the 9's when you go out, actually wear your clothes. I find nothing more disgusting than seeing someone start shedding clothes the minute they arrive. This is most prevalent in females that take off their shoes within minutes of arriving at the club. It's unattractive. 

6. Don't be a dick.  That's self explanatory. 

7.  Don't act like you own the place. A sense of confidence is nice but if you are going to act like the place owes you something and you are a VIP, you can pay for my drinks hot shot. 

8. Don't be somebody your not. That's what costume parties are for. 

9. Be social. If you are going to hit the town, be open to conversation. Get it through your head that not everyone is trying to bring you home to bang. It's okay to talk to another person. You never know who you may run into when going out. Believe it or not, there aren't always bad intentions. If someone is treating you like a gentleman accept it. Don't brush him off like he's only trying to sleep with you. That will leave you in the dust faster than you know it. 

10. Know your limits.  Don't be that person who is spilling their drinks on everyone and puking on themselves. It can pretty much destroy your chances of any success of ever seeing that person again. Also you never know who is watching you. Don't be the next viral videos. 

Follow my advice or don't. In all honesty, I really don't give a shit if you do or not. But one thing that I learned at a young age is to learn from other peoples mistakes. It will take you further with less damage. Once you hit 24 it gets a lot less cute, so live it up while you have the time before you look like your holding on to your youth by the skin of your ass. 

What a rough one...

As I sit in my bus waiting for the bell to ring, my head is filled with a shit ton of emotions that I don't know quite how to convey.

As many know, the fire service recently suffered an tremendous loss of Captain Barnas. A firefighters firefighter. The man made the job his life, and his determination to master the job is something that can never be matched. Over the last several days I have caught myself having minor breakdowns. I have worked at several fires with him and have attended numerous fundraisers and social events. No matter when you saw him, he always proudly donned a jersey city fire t shirt or job shirt, along with his captain ball cap. One notable thing, was that no matter how bad the circumstances, he would always greet you with a smile. 

I can say I had a better working relationship with him in jersey city. He was a captain who looked out for everyone, not just his guys. Despite the tension between jersey city fire dept and the medical center ems, he still had your back where other captains would turn away or make sly comments. Captain Barnas, unlike other captains, would always take the time to make the fire departments presence known and would assure every patient he saw, that they were in good hands with us at the MC. He was one of the few to offer a helping hand to the emts and would stick around on scene to make sure the newer emts were alright before leaving. Now to those reading this and that don't know the job, they don't understand the value that this has to those of us working the streets. 

When you are out there and doing, it's the little things that make all the difference. Currently moral is beginning to hit a lull. We are not hearing any news on our future and the troops are growing very tired. With a higher than normal call volume in what is usually the slower part of the year, One can only imagine how bad this may become once the busier part of the year approaches. Now as if the job didn't come with enough stress, there is even more on the horizon with a union that loves to stir shit, and a hospital that takes this out on the employees. Those who do not look out for others best interest are in charge and seek personal gain. It is something that I no longer wish to have my hard earned money go to such a poorly run organization. 

It's issues like this that have drove me to weigh out my options. Is it worth my time to stay in such an organization? Anyone who knows me, knows that I was aspiring for management and judging by the direction that the organization is going, that is something that won't happen for a long time. As I've witnessed time and time again, great employees become frustrated and leave before they are given a chance to change the norm. 

But I digress. As I attended the wake and funeral, you cannot help but be amazed at the efficiency that was shown by all agencies involved. The funeral procession was orchestrated in such an amazing fashion. The drummers dirge performed by multiple bands from all over the east coast was amazing. Witnessing dozens of pipers and drummers all walking with such sorrow and they alternated beats between one and the drummers had such a powerful effect. It was a truly a beautiful send off. 

I personally have taken a step back and realized that I have become quite distant from the dream job that I always had in sight. I've grown comfortable in my ems skin and let the fire in my life burnout due to drama caused by the wash women of my volunteer department. As with many things, the dinosaurs are going to hold back any form or progress by any means possible. But this is a topic within it's own. 

This is the way we get by. As a result of  all of these things I am going to be taking on a new job opportunity. One that will leave my budgets tighter than now and force me to work even more. But it's a foot in the door with the organization I've wanted to be a part of for more than a decade. This is going to present a great deal of challenges but it's something that I feel was offered for a reason. One thing that I learned recently. Is to never pass up an opportunity. 

"Yo EMT, you like your job?"

So this evening as the night began, I was waiting outside of KFC for my partner to load up on fried chicken. A local gentleman walked past and shouted, "Yo EMT, you like your job?" In all honesty I was thrilled that the guy referred to me as an EMT and not ambulance driver. Then again, he was just able to read the patch on my shoulder. My reply was "Would you like to be doing this?" The man just laughed and kept on walking. 

But then I began to ponder. Was he asking a serious question or was he just another asshole who felt like he had something important to say? He more than likely had nothing important to say and was just looking to be heard as most people. These are the same people who think it's funny to jump out in the road and flag you down just to see if you'll stop. Lately for these people I've been stopping and getting out to ask them what their emergency is. They immediately clam up with fear and admit that they were "joking" around. I give them the ol', "how would you feel if we were going to help your grandma, and we had to stop because you were joking around?" I walk back to my truck trying not to think of my non stop back pain and carry on with my night. 

But back to the point. Can I say that I enjoy my job? It's a hard thing to answer. Let's weigh out our pros and cons here.

Pros....pros...pros...hmm quite a question. There are the typical douchey answers of, "helping other people", and "I enjoy saving lives". Those are all well and good and if you jump on a truck and help your neighbors out one night a week, I can give you that one. There are certainly some pros to the job. You certainly gain a feeling of teamwork. You also grow a great appreciation for being a member of something bigger. 

I can honestly say that any of the people I work with on my team would lay their lives down on the line for one another. Other teams and the daytime tour, I certainly don't think so. But I know that the team that I work on would. When the shit hits the fan we all seem to put our differences aside. 

You see things that will change your way of thinking. After seeing multiple people who have gotten killed on motorcycles the idea of buying one quickly went out the window for me. Perhaps you see an innocent life become lost. Maybe you have to turn and tell the parents that unfortunately you did everything you could, or even worse, that it was too late to do anything at all. You may even get a chance to see the life of a person you know, end suddenly in front of you. 

It sinks in and runs deep, but you become numb to it after a while. People then say that you're insensitive and that you don't care, but it's how we survive. If we were to grow attached and take it personally, then we will never survive in this field. 

You get to see the world in a way that no normal person would never have the opportunity to see it. You get to see the hard and fast, the cruel and unusual, and more important the real life. You learn that the world is not a fair place. Bad things happen to good people, bad guys get away, and feelings will get hurt. But most of all is that you learn. I put emphasis on the word learn. You have a front row seat to the greatest show on earth. 

Now alternatively there are some cons to the job. But they make you certainly appreciate the things you do have. People that you come in contact with are mean and nasty. The places you go into are run down and broken up. The hallways are covered in urine and feces, and there are roaches everywhere. The elevators never seem to work, and the stairs aren't safe to look at never the less safe to walk or carry someone on. 

The hours are long and the food is shit. Most people get to go to work and they have a climate controlled office or they have a nice chair to sit in. Hell they get a lunch break. I couldn't imagine a job that I get a break. Here you are lucky if you get enough downtime to make your way over to the food place that makes a hot meal before they close. More often than not you are going to get a call someone near the place and you won't get your food. 

What this leaves you to do is improvise. Many emts and paramedics know how to make a meal out of random "food" that is found at your local 7/11. If you're really lucky you are blessed with a wawa in your jurisdiction. To those people, you are living like a king. 

The other side of this card you have the dashboard cookers, which is something that I am planning on writing a cook book for. Every vehicle has a defroster, but the wise can use it to their advantage. Tonight I am heating up turkey chili in my Tupperware bowl. Hopefully by the time I get a break, it will be lukewarm and semi-edible. More recipes will follow and before you can all mark my words. I'll be the next Paula Dean. 

This job forces you to grow up. You aren't able to get by with your nonsense, simply because you know that someone is going to smack you down. Either your partner, your team, the senior person on your team, or a boss. Someone will straighten your ass out or you will be out the door. If you can't straighten your ass out, people will make your life hell until you go. 

You lose out in trips and vacations. The ones you do maybe get to take, more than likely ate up all of your vacation time and took you a year to save up the money to go. For this I recommend the all inclusive. The booze alone are worth every penny of these trips. You will miss Christmas and birthdays but we all have to at some point in time. 

You are going to get hurt. You are going to have bumps and bruises. You are going to have strains and sprains. You are going to have aches that never go away and pains that never hear. These are both mental and physical. The public doesn't care if you get hurt. The patients don't care if you get hurt. Some of them are out there to hurt you. Some of them feel that you are working for the government and are out to get them. These are people that you never hear about until something bad happens, yet you come in contact with them all the time. 

My personal favorites are the people who know your job better than you do, and demand how to take care of the patient. They can't walk to the truck but they can do laps around the apartment. These are the people who swear they need oxygen when they are speaking in complete sentences. 

There is the joy of being bitched out by nurses. You are downplayed and assumed you know nothing of what you do and are incompetent. Those are my favorites because usually these are nurses that are directly out of nursing school. This is their first job and have never actually seen a patient, nor do they have any clue as to what we do. 

I must say that there are the times where you happen to be in the right place at the right time. You may receive an award or get your picture in the paper. This however is quickly followed by a great deal of ball breaking by your coworkers. Or the sad reality that you unknowingly broke a company policy that is so deeply buried in the stacks, that it took a coworker that has a hard on for you almost 2 shifts to find it. This usually lands you on the fast track right out the door, complete with your award. This forces you to avoid the spotlight at any and all costs, realizing it's better to be the sheep than blends in with the herd. 

You go in and go out day after day. You are viewed as just another body. You are considered disposable and just like any other job you are out there to make the company money. The mission is plain and simple, go where you are told.  Put your body through hell on a constant basis to the point you don't have an appetite. Twist, turn, bend, contort, and push yourself in ways that would make a personal trainer cry. Most brag about how much they bench or squat, and this makes me laugh. There's no workout for the 320 pound full blown, panicking, filled to the top CHF'er, that was drowning in their own lungs and flailing in a last ditch effort of survival. Yet we somehow managed to get him out if that rickety house and down those death trap stairs alive, and still perform life saving interventions. Not at any point of that call did I sit and worry about how much I was able to bench at that point. I know all too well I possess more strength and would love to watch them come attempt to do this every night. 

I've seen and experienced the human body face and perform under the most extreme conditions fueled on redbull, shitty coffee, and newports. Not kale, wheatgrass, and carrot juice. (Sadly there was a shortage of kale in our MRE's during sandy)

So as go over the pros and cons, I am still left without an answer. Do any of us like the job? The answer from most would probably be no. This is a imply because for many of us, this is a stepping stone. A foot in the door while we are waiting for a call to go somewhere else. There's not much of a pension and there is certainly no respect, from the job or the public. Ems are the forgotten, the step children, the ones that always just seem to be outside of the proverbial spotlight. We handle what the police don't want to, and what fire can't wait to get rid of. We work multiple jobs because one is never enough to pay the bills. But it doesn't explain what it is.

What is it that keeps us coming back for more? Why don't we just all say "fuck it" and quit? Why do we put up with the shit our jobs, patients, and union put us through? Some say that this job is a calling and to some it may. Some say it is gods work, going out and helping the weak and the lame. I don't think it's either. 

I think it's a a because we a separate type of human. A type of human who can't just turn away and give up. We don't have it in us to just give up and walk away. We are afraid to leave the people behind, we are afraid to leave each other behind. It's a bond that can't be placed into words. 

So as I stare at my Tupperware full of chili that is attempting to warm up on the dashboard, I continue to turn that question over in my head. It's a lot more than just a matter if you "like" your job or not. 

So girl why's you run away, you look so afraid...

As I sit in my ambulance listening to my partner rant about new workout as he sucks down a cigarette. I can't help but reflect on a genuinely awesome weekend that I had. Over the past few weeks I have been in a major rut that seemed almost impossible to get out of. This caused by overworking with non stop bullshit calls and never seeming to have enough cash in the bank account. However I was able to take a nice break from the normal. 

Friday I was able to partake in a tradition that I have participated in for several years. This is the event known as practice. The history behind practice is simple. Every year the Wallington fire dept hosts a St. Patricks day happy hour. Now we all know St pats is the Super Bowl of drinking. And similar to old saying of "how do you get to Carnegie hall?" That's right you have to practice practice practice! So as a result we have to practice before the big game. You don't want to get to the big game and be unprepared. So we practice, and boy do we. 

Warm ups usually start with few easy aerobic curls. Usually of 16 ounces and move up from there. As the night progresses everyone convinces the new guy to touch the pot above the bar. Once they touch the pot, the pot is filled with a fine whiskey or classy crown royal. The pot is a small metal pot no more than 10oz in size. A small amount of dish soap is put on the bar allowing a nice viscosity allowing the pot to spin. Where the handle points to has to drink from the pot. This goes on until the pot is empty.

As the weeks go on, you become more and more prepared for the big day. Unfortunately the big game doesn't compare to practices. A much better time is had at practice due to a smaller group of guys. My favorite aspect of practice may be because of the fact that my family, more importantly my mother, hates me during practice season. When I tell her that I will be attending she quickly rolls her eyes in a state of disgust. She knows all too well that I will be becoming belligerent and, come crawling back home making even less sense than normal. 

The morning after practice I continued the fun by partaking in the polar bear plunge. An annual event that raises money for the special Olympics and is run by the nj police benevolence association. 

For those who don't know, it is when a group of crazy asses muster up the liquid courage to jump Into the ocean in the winter months. For raising the money you are given a sweatshirt, the more you raise the more swag you are given. Things like robes and bags are sported by those who raised more money than you did. I tend to avoid these people because the are essentially the same popular people I avoided in high school. Everyone likes them and gives them their money. I was never one of those people.  

Unfortunately there were a few internal issues involving my team and I sadly did not receive my parting gift. Which is fine because I've never been one to do things just for the swag. 

Saturday night I had the opportunity to see one of my favorite bands, 6 years after their farewell tour. Being in the right place at the right time I was also able to get a picture with James. Always a great time seeing reggie and the full effect play and introducing new people to the experience that they provide. Not a bad night. 

The next morning I was introduced to southern nj eating at a place called, "shut up and eat". A place with all kinds of goofy shit on the wall and a menu that is pretty much anything under the sun(kinda like shenanigans). As you walk in you are greeted by a staff wearing pajamas. The place uses utensils and mismatched plates. Gives it that at home feel where nothing matches. I have to admit it was a very enjoyable experience. I was able to have meatloaf and eggs, which in my opinion is an absolute genius concept and something I plan on having often. 

This weekend was a nice break for the monotony that I have been going through. I also was given a refresher of old times and how much simpler that time was looking back on it now. You never really can tell how much you have accomplished or what you've done until you look back at where you were a few years ago. It brings everything into perspective. So for now I'll keep chopping along and see what everyday brings. Hopefully there are more good times like this. I really needed that change of pace. 

Let me tell y'all a story, about the burn out blues...

It's a feeling that is leaves you speechless and without words. Night after night of the same thing, the same stress, the same people, and the same nonsense. You hit the wall. You become overcome with this burden that takes all the wind out of your sails. It kills any motivation that you may have for anything. 

This phenomenon is called burnout and it happens all to often to first responders all over the country. It's the constant day in and day out of seeing the same thing. It's a feeling where the job you do literally takes control of your mind and body. 

Now while many are thinking that this is something that happens from seeing a great deal of horrific things is not true. That's PTSD. Burnout is when you fall into a slump from seeing the same thing. 

Allow me to break out an example. Where I work my full time job, it is a busy urban system. We see our fair share of frequent flyers. Now from time to time they are good for a laugh and everyone yucks it up. But as the nights go on and you are writing charts on the same heroin addict, who walks all over the city until she runs out of places to hide and score her fix, that she now calls 911 asking for a ride to the hospital. She doesn't have a complaint, She just wants to go to the hospital and lay in a bed. She wants a bed because it's warm. She has no medical problem. She's a drug addict. She ignores her other problems so that she may get her fix again the next day. She thinks it's funny and cute to pull this every night. But what about that bed she's taking up? That bed that could've been used for your family member or your loved one. But no, she's there. And she will be there every night because she knows she gets a turkey sandwich. Or it's the nights of picking up the child with a fever. Or the person with a toothache. 

Basic life support is certainly not a glory job, but nobody is willing to admit that they are the red headed step children of the medical system. The emt's are the grunts. They do the dirty work. They don't push drugs and they don't perform ekgs. They carry people and drive others from point a to the hospital. We are trained in basic life support which is exactly that, basic skills. They also master the skill of ambulance driver. Now it's not to say that I don't know some brilliant emts. I am a firm believer that you are only as good of a responder as you train to be. 

Where I work there is a sink or swim mentality. You will either know how to be a great EMT or your life will be hell for the extent you work at this job. I say job because it is impossible to make a career out of being an EMT. Working here you will know your protocols inside and out. You will know what patients will and will not benefit from advanced life support. You know this because you have to. There is no hand holding, there is no baby steps. You are thrown to the sharks and you better start kicking. 

The things I have seen will soon be trumped by a volunteer with 25 bullshit calls under their belt who has it all figured out. I personally enjoy hearing new emts (and sometimes kids who aren't even emts) tell war stories about how rough their night was doing 3 calls. Gosh darn! 3? How did you function the next day? It's things like this that add to the burn out. You have new people coming into this field with it a figured out before they even see their first patient. They lack education, they lack awareness, and it's these things that kill you. 

So on top of this, I've been faced with a lack of disrespect from nurses at a certain hospital. Normally I would sugar coat this but since it irked me to this point. I'm throwing it all out there. I am more that used to being treated with nothing but disrespect by nurses from Hackensack hospital. All my colleagues are all aware and prepared to be disrespected by the brand new nurses at this hospital who believe that if you are not a paramedic, that you have no idea what you are doing or talking about. I am proud to say the hospital that I work for, jersey city medical center, backs up and listens to what the emts say, because they understand that we have a slight clue as to what's going on. But I was shocked to take a patient to holy name hospital and be disrespected by a nurse there. The nurses there are generally so nice to the emts and don't give us attitude. With the exception of a nurse who continued to question my treatment of every patient and then proceeded to harp on my simple mistake when giving a report. I later find out that she is also a Hackensack nurse(shocking!). For some reason this just set me off. I break my ass doing this job with the rest of my colleagues and I'm aware that you don't know me from Adam, but I give you the professionalism and the respect you deserve, despite you acting like a four letter word that shares 3 of the 4 letters in the word "aunt". 

The emergency rooms also serve as a place of reunions. A place to shoot the shit with coworkers and even other towns. The funny thing about bullshitting here is that you need to watch what you say there. This incident a supervisor from one of my jobs decided to run his mouth to my coworkers at another job. It's great to hear that someone has a problem with you through the grape vine and doesn't have the balls to say it to my face. This drama just adds more fuel to the fire. 

You pile all of this shit together on top of working a 60+ hour week. You finally get to the point where you don't want to leave your bed. You can't eat. You can't sleep. You are just sick of everything and everyone. That is what burnout feels like. I joke when I say that I'm gonna hang up my ems career and find a job that I don't have to deal with people. I think I am going to paint roads or inspect tires. Yeah. I can see a life of tires in my future. As the judge says, "yeah well, the world needs ditch diggers too!"

Happy V-Day!!!

"Hard to know what's in your heart so, you're just looking to find. Part of what you're saying's not effecting on my soul or my mind."

These words are from one of my favorite songs from reggie and the full effect. If one were to follow this band they would see the ups and downs of emotions that come as a result of life and relationships. Needless to say this is that day of the year where everyone buys useless and meaningless shit for one another. It's a day that many forget the martyrdom that was performed by saint valentine. The man was tortured fighting in the name of his religion and for this we celebrate, have some chocolate. Then again we do this for Easter as well. Man is crucified, here's some chocolate and some plastic grass. 

This year I seem to be more bitter, more jaded, more I don't give a shit really. I didn't always used to be this way. I really didn't. I used to take care of the person I made my valentine. Flowers, getaways with fancy dinners, jewelry, all kinda of other happy horse shit. But this year there's none of that. I simply don't care.

I think part of it is because last year I gave everything I had to someone and they left me a few days later. I can't say it was a surprise. I could tell the wheels were falling off the cart. It is just a shitty feeling when you know the person you are in love with is slowly leaving you for another person. But you soldier on and keep up the game face. You don't want those around you to know how bad it is. And you certainly don't want the person who left you to know how it felt. That would be crazy talk. 

But I've soldiered on and I'm ready to move forward. Get back I'm the game coach. Despite wearing shoulder pads that don't fit and a helmet two sizes too big. It's that same feeling you get on your very first football practice as you see the largest player on your team running at you like a freight train engineered by a crystal meth tweaker. You feel you lack protection and that you are out in a world where nobody has your back when the excrement strikes the oscillator. (For those who are slow that means: "when the shit hits the fan"). 

The dating world is a scary place, Especially for guys. Everyone thinks it's such a simple task to just walk up to a woman and ask them out. Nooooooot at all my friend. You have one shot to make not only an outstanding impression that will separate you from every other douche in the bar, but leave a mark that will not land you in the dreaded, and in my opinion the only place comparable to the dmv, the friend zone.

For those who don't know about the friend zone, chances are you are in it. A gal will tell you everything like a boyfriend and turn to you for advice. This is only to constantly remind you that your like the best friend ever. They often don't know that they would do without you, and treat you as if you are one of the girlfriends. I know what they could do, they can go find someone else for that shit. Are there any benefits to this you may ask? No there isn't. Sadly it's just a shitty place to be. It's a lifetime of mixed signals until you wake up and say enough. 

So we go back to our dilemma of meeting a new person. Don't get me wrong it takes a lot for a woman to agree to talk to a person they just meet. Statistically a new person is probably a murderer or a rapist. So men already start the game with a strikes against them. 

What are we supposed to do now ya moron?  You could turn to the internet but that's a scary place to because anyone can be anyone on there. Between the show catfish and hearing others horror stories of people meeting people of the same sex, doesn't exactly help with taking that risk either. So where does this leave you? It leaves you in a place where you get to learn from your mistakes. Learning from our mistakes is the best way to learn. You experience first hand how difficult making it work really is. 

I can't help but wish to see these relationships that are jammed down your throat on Facebook end in a fiery crash. I know that I sound bitter with my ranting but it's my blog, so the rest of you can piss off. The mushy memes and the pic stitches really makes me want to bludgeon myself to death with a large piece of ice. All the I love you's and we are meant to be together memes are absolutely nauseating. Now this isn't because I was heartbroken or that I'm tremendously jaded. This is the part of me that enjoys watching people be miserable. The same part of me that enjoys watching someone blow an entire paycheck at the racetrack. It's nothing personal, I just have accepted that this is how the world works, and that bad things will always happen to good people. 

I love nothing more than also seeing valentines dates go down the shitter. Seeing pissed off people at the bar, dressed to the nines, and drowning their sorrows in their lukewarm beer. Deep in a text conversation with that guy that's in the friend-zone. Ahh the back to the friend-zone. Poor bastard. 

So here's to valentines day, and to those who are will have survived this day stronger than yesterday. Cheers. 

Do you smell snow?

There are very few things that hold value in this world anymore. Those who work in the public safety field, especially police and ems, realize the true value of a partner. But not just any partner, A quality partner. A partner is someone that you are paired with for 12 hours a night. That's half a day. Now some people think that's a chip shot. I can spend 12 hours with a person. And that may be true, but being stuck with the wrong partner in a tin can for 12 hours, less than 3 feet apart, the time can quickly become torture. 

A disagreement may start with something as simple as one partner having a bad day, questioning a medical decision, or that there is a lack of trust among both persons. Something that in this business can happen all too often. 

Now every once in a while you will come across two people that can work together seamlessly. I myself have had several partnerships, and with most they have had their fair share of ups and downs. Some people work with different people on a constant basis, and personally I could never do such a thing. 

But in my case I can't help but talk about the valuable friendship I have with a partner who doesn't work full time with me, but is a go to person. These are valuable assets to your organization. These people need to be treated as such, because morale is an important thing to have in your organization. When units are happy,the job gets done better. When the job gets done better, the company looks better and you then accomplish great things. 

With all of this being said, I'd like to speak about one of the greatest ass-ets that I have had the pleasure to work with. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you te animal known as Brian McGraw. 

Now just so we can all get a brief background on Brian, grew up in the middlesex/Monmouth county area. He was an avid athlete growing up. He absolutely loves his patriots and loves the Yankees. I can proudly I have had some of the best experiences of my life with him. I have seen concerts, I have been to Yankee games as well as having the honor to attend the pinstripe bowl with him. An all around great guy. This man will give you the shirt off his back and doesn't hesitate to back me up on any of my crazy missions at work. For that I thank him. 

Now at this point I'm sure you are all thinking, man he seems like a great guy! Right? Hold on to your hats. Things are about to go downhill really quick.

Working with Brian is an adventure within itself. Brian loves to try new foods with the exception of corned beef hash. To Brian this is the equivalent of alpo and it causes him to dry heave. However there have been many a trips to boulevard drinks. The most notable of these trips is the time I fumbled a chili cheese dog in the front of seat of the ambulance. As I fumble the mess of a meal similar to that of the famous Jason Seahorn playoff interception. Remember him? That guy that Angie Harmon ruined? Anyway, I start screaming "shit shit shit shit" loudly as I make the catch. In j biggz fashion I make the grab. We both rejoiced and bonded over hot dogs. 

Months ago I decided to call ourselves the a-team, minus the cool van. Managers at Jcmc and Monoc start to roll their eyes wen pairing us. But realize they have a rock solid unit.  

We tear it up at the arts center...

As well as the medical center...

The conversations that are had between us are nothing short of legendary. Some of the best topics that really make your mind think. Its questions like, do you ever wonder what exactly people are listening to when they are listening to their headphones? Or do you ever think that your wasted sperm have been the person to cure cancer or win the World Series? It's conversations like this that really spark some intellectual conversation. 

There are also times where we can have down to earth conversations about life, family, or that new Sarah Bareillis song that you play on repeat throughout the night but wouldn't dare tell anyone else. 

It's these things that are signs of a good partner. 

Brian was thrilled to see Uncle Tim...

There's nothing more hilarious than watching Brian's lack of a digestive system kick into overdrive on a moments notice. All will be quiet on the western front. Then before you know it, a quick "oh-no" will emit from the drivers seat, and it's off to the races. To happen once in a while would be one thing. But this is a nightly basis. He is a man child. But he can pick up what you put down. A straight shooter with quick wit. 

Now I'm sure most people are wondering why this tale is titled, do you smell snow? The answer to this is simple and a fun game to play with friends and enemies alike. Next time you are in a room or small enclosed area, proceed to pass gas. Then after allowing it to spread for a few seconds, proceed to ask, "do you smell snow?" This will trigger a natural instinct to take a deep whiff of the air as well as your flatulence. This trick also works well with the smell of popcorn. Everyone loves the smell of popcorn. Now it may seem childish but it is a go to laugh. 

It's hard to find someone who is just as willing to make a complete ass of themselves as you. But that is something to be valued and treasured. I know there are many people who share a partnership like this. One that you are friends not only at work, but have a blast hanging out after and outside of work. They say that you spend a vast majority of your life at work. Might as well spend it with someone that makes the shift fly by. Here's to you McGraw, and please having Hemingway call in the morning to apologize.