so how did we get to this point?

Lets start from the beginning by looking back as to where the hell did I go wrong? How did I get to this point? Was it because I listened to what Joe and Marlene taught me? Is it because I had various coaches that whipped my ass into shape? Now granted, I am known to be quick witted and sometimes I can be what some may call a "smart ass", But I believe that makes me staple in society. I am that person that everyone knows, that person who will say whatever is on his mind and is not afraid who I may piss off. Why do I do this? Why not? It may be the reason that It got me to this point. For those who already know me, they are aware of how I feel about most issues. For those who stumble upon this and aren't aware of my tact and demeanor, I urge you to hold onto your hat.

So now here we are, I have taken the advice of several people and have decided to begin writing my rants and bitch sessions down on paper on in this case on a blog and see where it goes. If nothing else it would help me get some of the stress off my plate. So here it goes.

"I'm here if you ever want to talk",

A quote that I hear all too often. To catch everyone up to speed, I am a professional and sadly still a volunteer EMT for several municipalities in North East NJ. I recently turned 25 and I am well aware that this is a really crappy time. I never in my life imagined that my mid 20's were going to be a time of luxury. Granted, I did always hope that I would be a prodigy who would be making money hand over fist, and bills would be no issue. Here I would sit atop my thrown and light cuban cigars with $100 benjamins. Man was that a false sense of reality. During college I faced a period of unemployment where I felt like such an imcompetent and useless zilch that I vowed, come hell or high water, I would never rely on the government to bank roll me. Man was that a fun time, going out on a nightly basis and drinking on the government dime, until I woke up and said you need to get a hold of yourself and your life. Suddenly the idea of the thrown and cigars deminished. So we accepted defeat and into the world of Urban EMS.

So me being the open minded 21 year old, I apply to the job and somehow land it. A fear that I wasn't qualified for the position, quickly faded and I was introduced into a world of sink or swim. Although my first year there was a great deal of treading water, I am still here. I like to consider the place I work very similar to Shawshank. You realize that it is a terrible place with many ups and downs. Until you aren't there and you are no longer accustomed to the life that you had on the inside. They say the life expectancy rate of the EMT or Paramedic here is approximately 2-3 years. I'm on year three. Holy shit, I am on year three! Im going to either make parole or be on a life sentence. A life sentence of stress and things that you don't dare talk about with other people. 

You do your best to cover up the shitty nights where you go in with a positive attitude, hoping that you may change the world, but no, you don't. Instead you spend your evening playing taxi driver/attendant to a front row seat of the greatest show on earth. It not the blood and guts that upset us. Its the injustices and the innocent victims. 

Now when I say innocent victims in an urban environment I do not mean the innocent man who was going home from choir practice that happened to be in the wrong place at 430 am. I am speaking of the children who are raised in this environment who believe its okay. The lack of education that came to their parents who fell through the cracks or that weren't offered the same opportunities as everyone. However I find that there is not a bigger kick in the balls than seeing that a 6 month old is wearing better clothing that you and you work 4 jobs. Designer shoes that will be outgrown before a child will understand what they even are. Yet I live in a life of uniforms because I cant ever find the time to get out of one. The clothing is all the same and I must admit, I can really rock an Elbeco uniform shirt rather well. 

The real kicker is when people come up to you and say, "Damn, I could imagine all the things you must see" or "Yeah, I thought about doing the ambulance thing, How much do you make?" Let me assure you pal, the pay isn't there. For job that we do, you quickly accept that you are out here for some other reason, whatever that may be. 

Perhaps you are going to Med school, or becoming a nurse. Maybe you are like most waiting for the call to become a cop or firefighter. Maybe you just have a false sensation of society and think that people actually give a damn about you or the job you do. I'm going to give you all a small hint... They don't, until they need you and its time to wait on their every need. This notion always brings me back to a memorable part of the movie Clerks.

But sadly, they are the reason we are here. So as I continue to count down the rest of this miserable dispatching shift, I anxiously pray that the phone will stop ringing. Imagine that a day without the phone ringing. Wouldn't that be something? I imagine my back not killing me from this chair that is beyond overused from the years of other people pressing their ass-grooves into the seats. As i sit in my cubicle here, I cant help but feel this is the closest that I will come to one of those cushy office gigs where its always 72 degrees with not a cloud in the office. Here comes the phone again, that damn phone that takes you out of your tropical paradise to hear that someone is having the worst toothache of their life and that you have to act. 

But then it comes back to that line you hear all the time, "I'm here if you want to talk." Sure, Lets talk it up! Lets have a chat, but lets try to have one of those chats where you wont look at me like I am a monster after I have finished speaking. Lets have a chat that wont leave you standing there in tears, which in turn makes me feel like a lost cause. Lets look back on things and think, so how did we get to this point? Well...we're waiting......