Granted it’s not as meaningful as, “I left my heart in San
Francisco”, but what does make sense in this blog? Nothing really. It's a statement that is almost like a trophy. Kind of like, "I left it all out on the field". With the exception of leaving an ill fitting fashion prothstetic on the streets of a hudson county city. But hey, you go girl!
Recently, I was approached by a new guy (who from this point
forward shall be referred to as, “new guy”). New guy tries to casually start a
discussion during his field training. He started with, “So I have heard a lot
about you…”, and I must say, I wasn’t that surprised. I have
gained myself quite a reputation as the funny guy, the a-hole, the smart ass,
the guy who has no filter, as well as being the most handsome 26 year old man
this area has ever seen. When I ask "new guy" how he heard about me, he mentioned
a name of another EMS professional that I have never heard of. Here I am
thinking that he has heard of me from a party, or some convention where I was
whoring myself out by aggressively networking with who I hoped were all the right
people. On the contrary, new guy tells
me that he had heard that I write an EMS blog and that it apparently has quite
a following. I reply with a subtle, “NO SHIT! Don’t bullshit me kid!”
(As I type this, there is a new show about swingers playing
in the background. I must say, that I find it quite amusing yet awkward
watching these couples wife swap with total strangers in a bar. The face of the
bartender watching them spank one another was pretty priceless. Either way,
pardon if it appears this was written by a complete scatter brains.)
The news knocked me for a loop. I don’t write this for
anyone but myself. Not to sound selfish but I have used this as a place for me
to blow off steam. Mainly because you really can’t get away with running
outside and screaming your lungs out anymore. Damn local noise ordinance laws
and everyone’s hypersensitivity to people having mental breakdowns, has really
put a damper on it.
But would anyone really blame the guy who goes outside and just
starts screaming? I wouldn’t, not at all, hell i'd probably join his as he
attempts to scream it out in effort to keep it all together. As humans we need
that good release of pent up energy. Growing up they tell you to “punch a
pillow” or “count to ten”. This gets us absolutely nowhere with the exception
of being able to build on the fundamentals of southpaw and becoming masters
of 10 digits sequences.
So where does that leave us as people? What do we do when we
have hit our breaking point? Well, as Disney has so conveniently drilled into
our brains, "let it go". In the case of myself, and those who know me attest,
when I become pissed, I tend to rant. Not just a little rant, I make sure those
immediately around me know how I feel and then I am fine. Once I get it out of
my system, I look back and laugh about it. Then I realize that my behavior was that of a horse’s
ass, and I progress forward.
For others, this is not so easy. Many people have their
vices and I cannot blame them for that. Some turn to drugs and alcohol to cope
with their stresses. Some lose their stresses by walking it off. Some choose
exercise (not me), but some people think that is a good way to expel stress.
Now I know you all are sitting back and thinking, “Well Joe,
if you say that you rant as a way of stress relief, why do you write?” And that
is a great question. I write because I can. I have found that putting your
thoughts and ideas on paper or in this case the web, leaves a legacy. It gives
you the opportunity to look back and see how far you have come. For me I can
look back and see how I am not nearly as stressed and have less to worry about
in my life. It also works as a way for me to shed excess baggage silently when
there is nobody to talk to.
So now the steam is pretty much clear from this otherwise
shitty night. I didn’t get my way at work and I was put in less than ideal
circumstances due to what some would say are “life choices I made in the past”.
That makes it sound like I used to live a life of drugs and crime, not stepping
up and getting my dispatcher certification. (Crazy how certain phrases can be
interpreted eh?) So I threw my hissy fit, expressed my dissatisfaction with my
coworkers, had my rant, and sat dead silently at my console.
I suffered through the rest of my shift in a room that makes
me beyond uncomfortable, listening to the grinding of an antique space heater,
making a dangerous grinding noise as if disaster is lurking immediately around the
corner. The kind of machine that looks like the cause of a house fire. A loud
grinding noise similar to that of a 2-stroke weed whacker engine fills the
room, loud enough to drown out the sound of my audio book that I was quite
interested in. Which if I could make a recommendation, Simon Rich’s, Man Seeking Woman: and other love stories.
It is a hilarious look at dating in this day and age, and some funny ass
stories about the insecurities of moving on past a relationship. Quite comical.
Well I think this concludes my rant. I have been slacking on
my blogging lately. It has been taking its toll on me and I honestly have been
too lazy and busy feeling sorry for myself. So let it be known that I will
attempt to be a much less lazy ass and keep writing more. In the meantime, I’m going
to go practice my yoga, align my chi, and really focus on my flexibility. Not
just the flexibility of this fortress of a body, but my mind, and spirit as
well. Namaste.
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