So here I sit. Here in
the physical therapist office. Amid a sea of the wounded and weak. Grandmothers
recovering from broken joints, and car accident victims being massaged of legally
advised back pain. This is now my new life. Things changed very quickly for
jbiggz.
Things were looking
up, life was looking great. I was finally getting my phone call up to the
big leagues. I had passed all the requirements, cleared the medical, psych, and
background checks. I was going to be starting my career as a police officer. So
as things began to set in that this is becoming a reality, life changed quite rapidly.
Before I could even
try to get a grasp of things, I was taking leaves from
My ems jobs. A
whirlwind of emotions take over. Is this the right choice? Am I going to be
able to keep up? Will I remember what I need to? Am I ready for this? Is this
the right move? I've got this! I can do this! I'm going to be the difference I
would like to see in the community!
The hardest part
hit me like a cinder block. Saying goodbye. Saying goodbye to the family that
had stuck by me for longest time. I had submitted my change to become a per
diem employee in case things didn't work out. The remaining days flew by. People
tell you the war stories of what it was like when they went through. How bad the
academy was for them, and how you go from a person who saves lives to someone
who is less than shit. But you block it out and move on. You realize that these
are the moments you are going to miss the most. Slowly time ticks down to the
last hour of the last day. You get no warning that it is going to hurt as much
as it will. There's no person telling you how much you're going to miss the
people that worked alongside of you for so long. That part always seems to be
left out. Whoops.
So as I return my bus
back to the station, you hear a few "good byes" and "good
lucks" over the radio as you make that final approach. You hand in your
keys and radio for the final time, it has gotten real. You hear the slam of the
broken metal door that takes the beating of a lifetime day in and day out. You
realize that you won't hear that slam anymore. You won't hear those voices that
always made you realize that you survived the night. You won't hear any of that
stuff anymore.
Before you can grasp
the new change, life is beginning again. It's a whole new life that you think
you might be prepared for... But there is never enough preparation for. Now due
to unwritten law, I cannot discuss the things that had occurred but I certainly
was not in Kansas anymore.
Some lessons that I
did learn:
- You can never spit
shine shoes well enough.
- You gain a whole new
appreciation for your uniform.
- You never appreciate
your friends, family and significant others more than during this time.
- I'm nasty.
There are other things
that I had learned which gave me a brand new outlook on life. I wake up each
day feeling motivated and ready to take on a whole new set of challenges.
Despite being broken down mentally and physically, I was feeling okay.
And then this
happened...
While performing
physical activity in training, I felt a slight pain in my right shoulder. Meh,
no big deal. Probably just sore from the activities of the last week. As I
continued the physical activity, the pain suddenly became worse. Not just a
soreness, a pain so severe that I was ready to call a civil war field doctor in
to amputate the arm at the shoulder. In following procedures, I go to the
doctor. After a weekend of anti-inflammatories and rest, I am faced with the
reality that I may have torn the labrum in my shoulder. To countinue every the
reality of this, I was going to miss the required physical training of the
academy and due to the treatment plan. This land me in a lose/lose situation where the only resolution would cause me to have to resign from the
academy. So after a long road background checks, psych evaluations, medical
evaluations, and stress, a shoulder injury was the demise of police recruit
Biggy. So as a result now, and due to agency policy, I'm jobless, sidelined
with a broken wing, and freaking out about where I will work next. And that folks
is the tale of jbiggz the police recruit and that time I got just a brief taste
of the major leagues before injury sent me back to the minors.
Now it's not all a
story of gladness, with a shadow of sadness (prep reference). Everything
happens for a reason. Whatever higher power clearly has a plan for me. And even
I don't know what that plan is that this point (Could be just about anything), but it was not in the cards for me to be a police officer. I'm keeping
my head up and eyes open in the meantime. Maybe this is the time for me to
explore my options and see what else is out there for myself. Then again, bridge painting seems like a pretty stable career.
