I have come to realize that I no longer enjoy some of my
favorite past times like I have in the past. I have started to no longer look
forward to the things I have in the past. Example: I used to look forward to
Saint Patrick’s Day, I longed for the day and the American traditions like
corned beef and green beer that came along with the day. The feeling that
everyone is Irish on what we joke is the “high holy day”. This year, I couldn’t
get into it. Try as I might, Couldn’t do it.
For some reason this year, despite all the practicing
leading up to the festivities, I have found myself choosing to become an
introvert and stay home instead. This isn’t me. Or is it? Have I finally hit
the wall that I have grown tired of everyone that I would choose to sleep
rather than socialize? I used to love to hit the town and socialize, I used to
thoroughly enjoy the 3am trips to the diner and once in a life time stories of
crazy nights. Now I seem to have traded them in for a pillow. Is this growing
up? Does it happen that suddenly that you no longer fade away, you just halt at
one time?
I am sure this is just a funk that I am in. I am trying to
adjust to a new job, prepare for a wedding, and all still try to succeed at
life all at one time. And then it suddenly struck me. I just need to let it
happen. Whatever is going to happen, is just going to happen.
I have put myself through so much stress and agony trying to
force things in life for what I thought was success. But then things seem to
fall back on me going to wherever the universe feels I belong. And that I am
put in places to gain knowledge and teach a lesson.
Example: When I met Mare, I was highly inebriated after
making up for lost time, after taking a fire test for a place that I thought I wanted
to have a career. I did get the job, but found the person I saw myself spending
the rest of my life with. When I was injured in the police academy, I was
showed the importance of being a human to people rather than gloating authority
over one another. When I was picked back up by my previous job, I was able to
gain an incredible amount of experience in a very short time, experience that I
would have never gained anywhere else. I put an application in and found myself
in my current position. Again, in a place I would have never imagined being,
but doing something that I enjoy doing. Granted, it is not the face paced
environment I was in at the previous place, but I am able to live a somewhat
stable lifestyle again. And that is a big thing for me now.
In a conversation I had with a friend a few weeks ago. I
have embraced the cards I am being dealt and no longer trying to force my hand
for something better. I’ve dealt with the heart break and the let downs. I have
had enough of the rejections and lows of being told “sorry but at this time we
have decided to go in a different direction”. It’s a feeling like no other.
But one thing that it does, it makes you tough. My
experiences thus far have taught me how to see the brighter side of everything.
And not to be cliché, but I’m looking on the bright side of life (do-do,do-do,do-do,do-do).
Sure things didn’t go to plan, but something else will surely fall into place.
Maybe you don’t go out partying, and another opportunity presents itself for
you. Maybe you decide to stick out that place that you don’t like at the moment,
because brighter horizons are coming up in the future. To some, seem to fall
into place without any effort at all, no sense of struggle, heartbreak, or
challenge. As for me, I can relate to the underdog who gets knocked down and
back up again. That’s the person I’d like to share a drink with.
