Although it has been quite a while since writing, (and I’ve
been okay with that) I can’t help but find myself more and more profound with
the world around me. This past weekend I witnessed many of my peers who live a
life in a manner that I can only assume as absentminded. They live with no fear
of repercussion, no fear of failure, no desire for success, no anything. It is
something that I have profoundly regarding the town I grew up in. They are
simply just there. They strive to simply exist. Be a number on a list. No
strive for greatness, no right or wrongs, just there. I thought of this on my
car ride home and came to the conclusion, why can’t I have this?
I try not to throw a temper tantrum and cry like the millennial
I am accused of being by my coworkers. But why not me? Why can’t my wife and I live
that careless/carefree lifestyle where nothing that you do or say will come
back to haunt you. I’m tired of having those sleepless nights were I’m kept up
by reconsidering every decision I’ve ever made in my entire life. Ehhh I’m sick
of that. Gimme that other style of life. I just want to live a life with my head
in the sand, if I didn’t see it, it can’t be true, and fake news. You know, one
of those ignorance is bliss lifestyles. I’m tired of being the one to have any
sense of reasoning. I want the other way of thinking. The one where I can make
knee jerk reactions and simply just live based off of what I’m told on social
media with no attempt on my own to determine if it is truth or not. Just a
sheep in the flock. I go where the flock goes, I eat what the flock eats, and I
don’t dare stray from the flock.
I strayed from the flock years ago, I got a chance to see
the world around me in a different light, and I thought that this was an
amazing thing. But the older I get, the more I’m surrounded by those who decide
that the world is too unsafe outside of my little town. And anyone that isn’t from
here, is wrong. Taking a step back, at 29, I’m learning that the world is full
of people that are upset when others try to play in their sandbox. No matter
what the age, playground rules apply. It’s simply broken down to “if you’re not
from here, I don’t trust you”.
Now as much as I bitch here about this, I couldn’t imagine
living such a one sided way of life, I’m not saying you have to go far, I have
lived in various parts of the state I am from, I have adopted other people,
other cultures, and most importantly other points of view! I see a culture of
people who are terrified to ask why, for fear they will be ousted or possibly
be viewed as going against the flock. It’s sad, it’s disheartening, and it
seems that I’m swimming against the tide with this idea. Again, maybe I have
been just chosen not to notice this for fear of breaking what little faith I have
in humanity left, but if someone could please stop the earth, I’d like to get
off.
