6/18/2020
Ellie,
I write this letter in hopes that one day, when you are older, you will come across it. Either on your own or with the help of family. I also write this on the eve of my first Father’s Day. A day that I would not be able to celebrate if not for you. I don’t know what this day will hold, but I want you to know that I don’t want or need anything material. I have it already.
You have just drifted asleep, and have closed out another day of amazement and wonder. Each day, is a brand new adventure, full of surprise and hope. Every morning we share our laughs and “Good mornings”, as I go from being fun and silly dad to a uniformed shell of myself. You will go on to eat breakfast in anticipation of an experience that is completely brand new. You will meet new people, try new things, and see the world in only a perspective you have. The world is large, vast, and amazing. I will do everything I can to show you that.
The world right now however, is nothing short of a complete shit show. Humanity is trying to combat an lesser known virus, while society battles in various protest surrounded by politics and institution. I can’t help but appreciate how young you are during this awful time, solely for the fact that you will not remember it happening. I hope that as a society we come out of this in a new way. A world of hope, acceptance, and understanding. And if we don’t, I hope that you do everything in your power to spread hope, acceptance, and understanding. Always always always, stand up for the little guy. Get involved in your community, and defend what is right. Understand early that not everyone will want to be your friend, nor will everyone like you. And that is okay, because you don’t have to like anyone else. That what makes the world great. If I could offer one quote that makes life easier to handle, it would be that “you don’t have to like it, you just have to do it”. The sooner that you accept that you’re not always going to get your way, and you will not always win, the easier it all becomes. Learn this early.
Don’t take life too seriously, and find the beauty, and more importantly, humor, in all things. There are A LOT of head cases out there. Some will be closer than others to you. Keep them at an arms distance and stay on their good side. There are many who are in positions of authority that shouldn’t be, and that’s not for you to decide. Work hard, be respectful, and everything will shake out in the end. In the event that it doesn’t shake out, it wasn’t meant to be.
There are many lessons that I will teach you along the way, and each has come from a lesson that I learned. Please make every effort to learn from others, as well as my mistakes, and avoid making them on your own. I know there will come a time where you have it all figured out, and I can tell you that you do not. The same way that I thought I had it all figured out, and I didn’t. This world and life is a constantly evolving situation, and if you can learn to roll with the punches and take a blow, the further you will go.
I speak from a point of wisdom and hope. I lived a completely different life prior to your arrival. I have seen some of the most horrific and tragic things that humanity has to offer, and as your father, I will do everything in my power to ensure you never have to witness the same.
Currently, I am going through a personal nightmare, but you are not supposed to know that. Each day, I am pushed emotionally and mentally to levels that I did not think were humanly possible. And each and every single day, I am elated to walk in that door, see that smile and excitement on your face, simply because dad is home. To be completely honest, this is what keeps me going. This is why I get up everyday and power through. This is why I put up with the stress, the drawn out days, the ridicule, and the emotional drain. Because once I get to see you, it all just disappears. With that said, if I bring that home, it’s never intentional and purely accidental. I would never ever intend to hurt you.
You have given me the ability to see the world through a brand new lens. Everyday is a refreshing start and an opportunity to make a brand new discovery. These are the types of things you normally read on someone’s “desperate for attention” social media posts. An excuse for people to send them meaningless electronic “hopes and prayers”. By the time you read this, I can only imagine what the next media craze will be. Rest assured, I’m sure it will not be something good, and probably further destroy humanity. Do yourself a favor, don’t become that person.
Don’t ever be afraid to do what makes you happy. If you want to sing, sing loud enough for everyone to hear you. If you want to dance, dance like
Nobody is watching. Don’t be afraid to be yourself, in the grand scheme of it all, your pursuit of happiness only matters to you. Just don’t let your happiness be anything illegal.
Let it be known, it was difficult to write all this. I used to have no issues in writing and it came freely. I would write to convey emotion and relieve stress. In hopes that if someone else in a similar situation felt the same, they would know they aren’t alone. When the time comes, I encourage you to write. You will come upon a time in school where you have to write about what they want you to right about or read what they want you to. That will probably deter you the same way it deterred me. I never enjoyed English and writing at the time, however when I got to college (which I am in no way recommending. Look at your mother’s success compared to mine...) it was able to let my interests and ideas hit the proverbial paper, and it flowed freely. Don’t pigeon hole yourself with other people’s ideas, you’ll have plenty of your own to put out to the world.
Do great things, make good choices, and at the end of the day, I will always be there for you.
Thank you for making me a father. I love you,
Dad.
